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World Go Round

By lists, music No Comments

sequinskirt

Some things I’m obsessed with at the moment:
Leopard
Plaid
Peppermint mochas
Sweet potato chips
Sequins
Organizing my closet
Taking pictures
Trying on all my clothes to come up with some cool winter outfit ideas
Boots (Specifically these boots. I need them. If I don’t get them, I’m not sure I’ll have the will to live anymore. Whenever I click on the brown color and my size and see, “Only 2 left in this combination!”, I start to feel extremely panicked.)
Owls
Pinterest
Blankets
Vests
Crossword puzzles
The puppy
Contemplating the future of my blogs (This one is so much easier to keep up with, and I like it more.)
Wondering whether or not I want a Kindle Fire for Christmas (As in, I think about the fact that I might want one, but I haven’t actually researched exactly what the pros and cons of one are, so I really have no clue.)
Listening to songs that remind me of my last two trips to New Jersey, like Super Bass, Sugarcane (dumbest song ever), and Knee Deep

I wish I were obsessed with things like vacuuming and selling shit on eBay. Then I’d have a clean floor and some extra cash. But I guess leopard and plaid are more important than that anyway.

To Do (Or Not To Do)

By lists, not ruling at life One Comment

Things I was planning to do this evening:
Vacuum
Clean bathroom
Iron a bunch of shirts
Organize my sunglasses
Write a blog post for The Coastal Chicster
List my old phone on eBay
Balance my checking account in Quicken
Wash/blow dry my hair
Read a book

Things I actually did this evening:
Ate McDonald’s
Browsed Twitter
Thought about buying myself a Kindle
Put my curling iron away
Peeled off my Shellac manicure and destroyed my nails (so, so dumb)
Sat on the floor and went through my collection of spare buttons (removed each one from the bag/envelope it came in to save room in the overflowing button jar)
Laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling
Ate a string cheese

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: lazy
And I’m singin’ along to: California – Wilson Phillips

500 Posts Later

By blogs, lists, lj, memories, milestones, ruling at life 15 Comments

I realized this week that the next time I updated this blog, it would be my 500th post. Five hundred posts. My mind started racing with how I was going to celebrate this milestone in my life, and I just started thinking…

One day, I started a LiveJournal. I wrote a few posts about some random crap, and used it to plot out my New Year’s resolutions a few weeks later. It was the dawn of a new era. I went to California. I got a new laptop. I started running. I made fun of my brother. Twice. I pondered the validity Bermuda Triangle theories. I began to discover my blunt, satirical writing style. I fought with my brother about music, and decided once and for all I liked blogging about conversations. My best friend turned 21, and I wrote my first drunken post. I moved to Las Vegas (and spent 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 days driving there with my mom, which would later serve as inspiration for this blog’s road trip theme). I spent my first night in Vegas in the emergency room. Fabio the hamster made his debut. I took my cousins to the movies. I started to love Las Vegas. I found a lucky charm (which I still bring with me on all job interviews). I attended an alcohol management class, where I watched a video narrated by a talking Jim Beam bottle. I took my little cousins to the mall. I saw a rainbow. I began having bad luck with bananas (this has continued for years — everyone knows I can never find a decent banana, and if I do, something bad happens). Fabio the hamster officially got his name. I started thinking I was cool. I wrote about food, exercise and tumbleweeds. My little cousins found a sex toy in the street. I sent a guy to jail at work. Fabio the hamster feared for his life. I started searching for a new job. My aunt almost burned the house down. I got my first freelance writing gig. I wrote a really pointless post in the form of a screenplay. I posted a photo of Fabio the hamster. I described myself in one word as irresolute, which is ironic if you consider the fact that I spent the next seven years tracking my resolutions on this blog. Fabio the hamster feared for his life again. My cousins took a day off school. My cousins got punished. I turned 23. I left Las Vegas (a changed person for having lived there with my little cousins for 2.5 months), and spent 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 days driving back to New Jersey with my mom. I missed my cousins. I missed Las Vegas. I missed Fabio the hamster. I formulated a new plan (which never actually happened). I took myself out for hibachi. Rich wrote a letter to the mayor of Belmar. Four things irritated me. I went to a diner with some random ass people. I found new ways to lose weight. I made a short-lived attempt to give up beer, which lasted through at least one trip to Bar A by myself. I was happy. I was a waitress. Memorial Day came to the Jersey Shore. A semi-colon possessed my friend’s TV. I made some cool friends at work. I partied like a rock star. A quiz educated me that I was a “consummate hipster.” I realized I was having the best summer ever. I went to a lot of bars. I moved to Howell (with my parents). I crashed and burned. I fielded dumb questions working in restaurants, and I started to get sick of waitressing. I scrambled to find a new job. I figured out why I would never meet a guy in New Jersey — because I decided I was totally against boys shaving/waxing their arm hair. I took a short break from posting. I moved to Virginia Beach. I settled in. I got writer’s block. I discovered Wawa. I enjoyed my new job. I moved into my first apartment with two roommates — Robbie and Allison. I decided I was “ruling at life.” I was happy again. I licked a CD. I made a drunken list while I was home for Thanksgiving, and then decided I was ready to go. I was baffled by the weather. I tried to be more fun. I posted a recap of my 2004 resolutions. I created a soundtrack for my life. I made my 2005 resolutions. Robbie got on a plane. I got on a plane (a C-5). Allison and I tried to steal soda from Arby’s. I played poker. Allison and I became lazy. I started to embrace texting. I texted Tom. I boarded a submarine. Robbie and I went to Vegas. I went to New Jersey. I daydreamed about the lead singer of Maroon 5 rescuing my from my boring job. Robbie and I went to Las Vegas again. I turned 24. Allison and I scored tickets to see Green Day. I listened to the President on TV. I drank wine at work. I had a bad hair day. Allison and I got free Munchkins. I decided to win the lottery. We met some idiots. I forced my roommates to play the “Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego” board game. I spent a weekend alone (during which I sang karaoke, washed my car, and ate sloppy joes on hot dog buns). I got caught up after a little break. I did a bunch of stuff I’d never done before. I hung out on my porch. I let Allison convince me to enter a mini-skirt contest…on the wrong night. Mark came to New Jersey with me for Thanksgiving. I went to Las Vegas again. Allison and I stole a Christmas wreath. I hung out on a destroyer. I got a Tumi purse. I posted a recap of my2005 resolutions. I made my 2006 resolutions. Allison became obsessed with The Sims. I made $20 without even trying. I indulged in a hot bath. A bunch of random crap happened. Allison moved out, and Tom moved in. Tom had trouble communicating with Kristina’s boyfriend. I proposed to the lead singer of Jack’s Mannequin. I bought a condo. I wrote a letter to Santa. I bought a machine gun necklace. I posted a recap of my 2006 resolutions. I made my 2007 resolutions. Amy made her 2007 resolution. I bought a new car, which I would later name “The Spacepod” and hate with a passion for the next three years. My favorite author died. A tragedy happened at my alma mater. I drank beer at work. I pondered the future of technology, and reminisced about how I developed my computer skills. I ate Krispy Kremes with a fork and knife. I painted the master bedroom in my condo. I posted a recap of my 2007 resolutions. I made my 2008 resolutions. I voted. I ruined my dinner. I celebrated my one-year anniversary with my pet fish. I formulated opinions about the financial crisis. I posted a recap of my 2008 resolutions. I made my 2009 resolutions. I started looking for a new job because I realized that my company was being run by idiots. I started a new style blog. My fish died. I posted a recap of my 2009 resolutions. I made my 2010 resolutions. I complained about the weather. I remembered I was funny. I compared kids to cats. I gave Heather diet advice. I considered fishing a mint out of a public trash can. I bought a teapot. I formulated an opinion on healthcare. I figured out how to get rid of wrinkles. My cat puked on the carpet. I was allergic. I got self-tanner on my chin. I criticized The New York Times, people who cause oil spills, and Facebook. I celebrated Cinco de Mayo. I Googled myself. I bought a pork loin, and then finally got around to cooking it. I had hopes the economy was improving. I fell. I got mad at LiveJournal. I got mad at my mortgage company. I got mad at my neighbor. A hurricane was named after me. I moved to WordPress. I tried to refinance my condo. I got a haircut. I made a mess in the kitchen. I traveled back in time. I posted a decade’s worth of Halloween photos, and then a few from this year. I discovered Arby’s Prime Cut chicken tenders. I made a gingerbread house. I was snowed in…for a long time. I wrote a letter to the governor of Pennsylvania. I posted a recap of my 2010 resolutions. I made my 2011 resolutions. I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal. I saw a guy’s ass crack at yoga. I got mad at my mortgage company again. I got the worst fortune cookies ever. I wrote an HTML tutorial. I held out hope that I might still be able to refinance my condo…and then I gave up because I realized it just wasn’t going to happen. I found a new roommate. I exaggerated the growth of my fig tree. I had a nice Valentine’s Day. I went on an amazing vacation in St. Maarten. I failed at snacking. I took a day off work. I argued with a pharmacist. I admitted that I Google everything. I created an amazing form. And finally, the other day, I complained about the weather some more.

That’s about it. I’m not going to include any photos or proofread this eight million times. I’m just going to post it like I usually do, and keep my fingers crossed that one or two people will be able to read through that entire run-on paragraph and find something entertaining in there.

Whether you’ve been along for the ride for seven years or seven days, I hope you’ve enjoyed this crazy blog.

And now I’m going to go start working on my next 500 posts while you start clicking on those links. =)

A Number of Ways I Don’t Recommend Spending Your Day Off

By drama, hazards to my well-being, lists, mele the kitty, not ruling at life, you might learn something 4 Comments

mele car 3222011

1. Don’t start your day off taking your cat to the vet. Especially if said cat a super-psychotic about riding in cars, meows like a tortured cow, escapes from its cat carrier, and winds up sitting on the dashboard while you’re trying to drive. This is not an appealing way to kick off your day. Try something else — like enjoying coffee and a crossword puzzle while basking in the sunlight at a clean patio table.

2. Don’t waste your day off watching Les Misérables on the couch with your cat. This might seem like an effective use of your time (since your poor cat has been traumatized and is now extremely lethargic and pathetic as the result of an aspirated cyst and a rabies shot), but it’s not. Instead, opt to partake in some physical activity like running, yoga or dancing around the house with your vacuum.

3. Don’t spend an hour of your day off getting caught up in the drama of your water being wrongfully turned off by the city. Even though the city has already deducted your payment for the water from your bank account, they are not going to turn it on until you pay it again (plus a $20 fee to reinstate your water service, plus a $4.95 fee to pay online with a credit card, plus a $1.50 late fee). Making your payment means nothing because the city kind of has a monopoly on providing water. Just accept the fact that the city is a bunch of lazy bitches who can’t seem to process payments in a timely manner. Your payment was a little late, so you probably deserve having your water disconnected. (Actually, no…I completely disagree with that statement). Instead of doing this, just relax, light $20 on fire and indulge yourself in an afternoon margarita (or three).

4. Don’t take a day off to have a filling replaced at the dentist. Especially if you have any suspicions that the dentist might have trouble getting the new filling right on the first try. After you’ve endured the escaped cat, Les Mis, and the water fiasco, learning your dentist needs to re-drill out the filling after you thought you were all done might just send you over the edge. You know? As an alternative, you might try getting a massage or a facial. Dentist appointments are just not as enjoyable as those things.

5. Don’t drug yourself on your day off. Even though you Googled an allergy medication that was given to you three years ago to find out it was once used as a mild sedative in dentist offices in the 1950s…you shouldn’t purposely medicate yourself with something that you know will make you sleep for four hours on your day off. You’ll wake up at 6:30 p.m. feeling like you wasted your entire day and wishing you’d done some laundry instead. Then you’ll stay up too late and wake up the next morning wishing you had yet another day off to do your laundry, vacuum, work out, pick up your dry cleaning, and go to the eye doctor.

You understand this is not an ideal way to enjoy a day off work. But, hey, if you do ruin your day off doing these things, at least you’ll know that your cat is not, in fact, going to die of a cancerous neck tumor. And you won’t have to pay next month’s water bill once your payment (from last Thursday) finally posts to your account. And you won’t have to go back to the dentist for at least six months, so that’s exciting, right?

mele car 2 3222011

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: burnt out
And I’m singin’ along to: I’m Just A Kid – Simple Plan