This was the view out my window when I woke up yesterday morning. Um. Yeah.
Hold on, let me back up. On Sunday night, my dad and my brother took a train to the…wait. Further than that.
One of the gifts my mom gave my dad and my brother for Christmas was a night stuck in a snow drift near Monmouth University pair of Devils tickets for Sunday night. As the predicted 10 inches (that’s nothing up here!) of snow began to pile up Sunday evening, they drove five minutes up the road to the train station and headed up to the game. I was reading a magazine when they left, but the last thing I heard Stephen say was, “I’m 25, and I care what my hair looks like! I’m not wearing a hat!” Um, okay.
The first plow came through our neighborhood around 8:30 that night, and as the hockey game drew to a close on TV, my mom headed out in the blizzard to shovel a path up the driveway for my dad and my brother to get in. I guess that’s when she noticed there was about two feet of snow in the road. In. The. Road.
We tried to call them and tell them to find someplace to stay in Newark, but they responded with something along the lines of, “We’re two grown men. We can figure it out.” Click.
If you haven’t grasped this by now, it doesn’t matter what kind of car you’re driving, whether it be a Hummer or a front loader — you cannot drive through two feet of snow.
So, they got stuck. They got off the train around midnight, and by 2:00 a.m., they called to let us know that they were stuck with a bunch of other cars near Monmouth University. “We’ve got a full tank of gas and heat, so we’re going to wait it out,” Stephen said.
“Tell them to keep both tailpipes clear,” my mom said.
“Mommy says keep both tailpipes clear, so you don’t die of carbon monoxide poisoning,” I said.
“Okay, but my phone is dying, so stop calling me.”
By this point, I hope you’ve already learned three things:
1. Don’t drive in the snow if you don’t need to. Ten inches can turn into 30 pretty quickly.
2. If you do get stuck in the snow, crack a window and check the tailpipe.
3. Who the f— leaves the house in a blizzard with a dead phone? Don’t do that either.
Anyway. So, back to the photo up top there. That’s what I woke up to around 7:00 a.m. on Monday. Still hadn’t heard from my dad and Stephen, so we were getting a little worried. We waited around watching the news until about 9:30. Stuff about abandoned cars on the Parkway, busses stuck, people stranded on airplanes and subway trains, women giving birth in SUVs…the works.
Then the phone rang. “OPEN THE BACK DOOR!” It was Stephen.
He had somehow managed to work his way through a quarter mile of waist-high snow to walk home. WTF?
Apparently, they were towed from where they were stuck because they were in the way of an ambulance. They managed to get the car to the West Long Branch fire station, where my dad stayed with my car, and my brother decided to make a break for it.
My mom opened the back door. “Holy sh*t,” I said. “That is f-ing deep.”
“You have to go around the front, Stephen,” my mom yelled to him.
“I can’t! I’m exhausted. Call daddy, and tell him not to try to walk here. He’ll never make it!”
RESCUE MISSION!
No, seriously. We had to f-ing dig him out. Like we had to bundle up and use shovels to dig ourselves out of the garage and around the side of the house out to the pool to make a path for him to get into the house. No joke.
See?
Anyway, so Stephen got home. My dad, on the other hand, had to stay with the car in case the fire station got a call, at which point he would need to move it out of the way to make room for the trucks to get out.
We hung around the house all day, eating all kinds of junk food, playing Wii games like Boggle, Sorry and Yahtzee, taking naps, shopping online, and various other boring things that people do when they’re stuck in a blizzard. I can say it was still a blizzard on Monday afternoon because The Weather Channel said so the wind gusts were still exceeding 40 MPH, so even though the snow wasn’t falling, it sure didn’t look very pleasant outside.
By 3:30, we were bored out of our minds and feeling a little bad for my dad, who was still stuck at the firehouse. We hadn’t seen or heard a plow all day, and we figured he’d be spending the night there. We decided to take action and hatched a plan to bring him some supplies and food. We packed up some overnight essentials (toothbrush, pajama pants, slippers) and luxuries (blanket, meatballs, A Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett) and got ready to shovel.
You can see the flags flying at the firehouse from our window. See them?
The problem is that a very high fence runs all along the side of this property to the road, so you have to go around. We figured we could just start digging where our path to the pool left off. Except that didn’t work out because the wind completely filled it in. So it goes.
We started shoveling.
I thought we made it pretty far, but…after about an hour, we were losing light, losing steam, and not even halfway there. Epic fail.
It was a valiant attempt, though. I mean, look at this mess.
A phone call ensued.
Dad: “Hello?”
Lisa: “Hi. So, we tried to dig our way to the firehouse to bring you slippers and meatballs, but we didn’t make it.”
Dad: “I told you not to do that.”
Lisa: “I know, but we were pretty bored, so we figured we’d give it a shot. We at least have a really funny video for you to watch if you ever make it home, but don’t expect me to help you shovel anything tomorrow because I’m already pretty sore. Have a good night at the firehouse.”
Dad: “I will.”
I unpacked the supplies and ate one of the sandwiches I made for my dad. My brother and I watched Russell Brand in New York City and Zack Galifianakis Live at The Purple Onion, and then I went to bed.
Remember Christmas morning as a kid? You were so overcome with excitement that as soon as you woke up, you just leaped out of bed and ran for the presents? That’s what I felt like when I heard the sound of a plow outside my window this morning. (Except I was pretty sore from shoveling, so my leap was more like a hoist.)
My dad was down there, too. He managed to walk home on the road once the plow came.
I use the term “plow” quite loosely here. There was some action resembling “plowing” going on down there, but in all honesty, the guy barely made a dent. He said he’d be back by the end of the day with a front loader, and he left his snow blowers for us to borrow. (It’s 10:30 p.m. as I write this, and he’s not back yet.)
We spent the morning walking around outside saying, “Look how deep it is” and “That’s so much snow!” Broken record much?
I’m hoping to one day make it back to Virginia Beach. My Christmas long weekend has morphed into an extended week-long vacation, only I don’t feel like I’m on vacation. More like I’m grounded. And I know for a fact I’m too old to be grounded.
So, by this point, if you’re still reading this, I’m assuming you’re snowed in, too.
Good luck with that.
This crazy trip has got me feelin’: 
trapped
And I’m singin’ along to: Winter Wonderland – Jason Mraz
