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technological enigmas

“The cloud is about breaking down walls between people and information. Not building a new set of islands in the sky.”

John Case, Corporate Vice President, Microsoft Office Division

10 Years Later

By birthdays, blogs, events, friends, lj, memories, milestones, ruling at life, technological enigmas, what have you been doing for the last 10 years? 3 Comments

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In case you didn’t notice all the celebrating going on around here, this blog turned 10 years old today. Ten years ago to this very day, I spent about three hours configuring my first LiveJournal, wrote a pretty short, pretty pointless post, and rushed out the door to a party.

Then all of this happened. Plus some other stuff.

And here we are, a decade later. At first when I thought about the fact that I’ve been blogging for almost a third of my life, I was surprised. I’m kind of the most noncommittal person I know. But then I remembered that I started writing in my first diary on December 25, 1987 at the age of six. Really, the only difference was that I didn’t have internet access yet.

I used to carry around these little notebooks in my purse. I would write down funny things that occurred throughout the day and refer back to them later when I was ready to type out a post. Then along came MySpace and Facebook to start draining me of all my good ideas long before I could get around to blogging them.

As the internet, social networking and blogging grew up around me, I thought maybe I could make money off my site if I blogged about more products or material objects that people could buy. I was interested in clothes and photography, so I started a second blog to write about style and fashion. I tried focusing on a topic, growing my readership, and “writing for my audience,” but I felt so materialistic and fake. Plus, keeping up with a second blog was like having a split personality. Lots of times I felt like I couldn’t live up to the persona I created on the second blog, but other times I felt completely the opposite — as though that blog wasn’t really living up to me. So, I merged all my favorite posts over to this blog, shut the second one down, and proceeded to have an eight-month-long identity crisis about the name and subject matter. =)

It’s kind of incredible that after 10 years of doing it, I’m not a better, more “successful” blogger. I don’t have thousands of followers, millions of comments or any idea how to monetize this site. That used to bother me. I thought, “People must think I’m really stupid to just write in a blog for no reason.”

But the thing is, I’ve realized I don’t care about any of those things or what anyone else thinks. I’ve always loved my blog for exactly what it is — a random collection of thoughts and anecdotes I don’t mind sharing with the world. Concentrating on one topic is so not my strong suit. Clothes, food and vacations are not what defines me as a person. And as for my audience…no offense, but I don’t really care what you want to read. Because there’s no one on this earth that loves to read this blog more than I do. And if I could only read one blog for the rest of my life, it would be this one. Over and over again. I assume that if you come here, you want to read whatever I write, and I’m the best at writing when I’m writing whatever I want.

That being said, it also turns out having other people write my blog posts isn’t such a bad idea either. I had these grand plans about choosing my 10 favorite posts and sharing them with you, but then I realized I’m way too narcissistic to pick just 10 favorites. So, I delegated that task to some of my favorite friends/loyal readers. I’m getting better at that — delegating. =)

I’m so grateful for all of my guest bloggers over the last 10 days. All your posts made me feel like I was hosting the best party in the world, where my blog was the guest of honor and all my favorite people were in attendance. And since most of you are either expecting newborns, scattered around the country, or way behind on your Christmas shopping, having you all right here was the perfect alternative to celebrating in real life. Cheers to you, my friends. Your words are worth a thousand pictures in this case, and here’s hoping we’ll all be sitting around re-reading them for the next 10 years.

So, there you have it. Ten years, 722 published posts, 1,684 comments, and I have no idea how many views because there was no way to track that until 2010. Coming up next: the usual Year in Review, Final Resolution Update of 2013 and next year’s list. Oh, and whatever the f- else I feel like posting. =)

I hope you’ll stick around, but I’ll still be here writing either way.

Peace out.


This crazy trip has got me feelin’: working_sy accomplished
And I’m singin’ along to: She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5

Time Travel

By technological enigmas One Comment

My phone malfunctioned today causing me to briefly travel back in time to December 31, 1969. I was walking on the boardwalk with Heather, and my phone suddenly began operating itself — opening and closing applications, going into airplane mode, flipping through different screens and the likes. I was trying to figure out just what in the hell was wrong with it, when I saw that the date was December 31, 1969.

Time travel is sweet. I mean, one minute I was walking up the bike path and the next thing I know, I’m ready to ring in the new year with a bunch of tie-dye clad hippies I met a few months earlier at Woodstock!

Now that I think of it, I’ve actually been to this party before. Back in 2003, as the hard drive was dying in my old Gateway desktop, an error message popped up dated 12/31/69, and I was instantaneously transported to this very same spot. At the time, I thought I was just hallucinating, but now I know that time travel does exist because time is obviously controlled by phones and computers. That’s why we don’t have to manually set the dates and times on them.

Anyway, back to my trip to 1969. We sipped champagne and discussed the year’s events — Neil Armstrong walking on the moon, the war, Hurricane Camille… FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO… HAP–

It appears my phone is working again now, and I have safely returned to October 24, 2010. So long for now, 1969. I’ll see you next time something breaks.

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: exhausted
And I’m singin’ along to: Come On, Come Out – A Fine Frenzy

I’ll stand up later.

By conversations, hazards to my well-being, holiday fun, not ruling at life, technological enigmas No Comments

My back hurts, so I went to get a pedicure yesterday at lunch just to sit in the massage chair, and that felt awesome. While I was there, I read this article about how people are shortening their life expectancies by sitting on their asses all day, which I can totally relate to right now because my freaking back has been killing me the past week or so. I’m not sure if it’s from sitting down all day, but I’m positive it’s not from performing any strenuous exercise because I certainly haven’t made any time for that recently.

The article went on to explain that people are suffering from serious neck injuries from looking down at their phones for prolonged periods of time. Interesting. Not really. If someone is dumb enough to look down at their phone until they feel like someone is  stabbing them in the neck (as stated in said article), that person might deserve to spend a few days in bed looking at the ceiling, pondering the meaning of life. (Real life, not battery life.)

One reason I don’t look down at my phone all day is that I know for a fact that my phone is not smarter than me. Sorry, Google. The Android is a nifty piece of work, but it’s not smarter than me. Neither is your e-mail service for that matter.

Take this, for instance.

The page at says: Did you mean to attach files? You wrote “is attached” in your message, but there are no files attached. Send anyway?

Lisa responds: Get a grip, Google. There was a time when people used terminology like the word “attached” to describe something other than digital files linked to an e-mail. Some of us who exercise the full extent of our vocabularies on a regular basis continue to use the word to describe tangible objects, such as the sleeves of this Halloween costume being attached to the vest. Stop reading my f-ing mail, you nosy pain-in-the-ass. And, yes, I want to send anyway. If I didn’t want to send, I wouldn’t have clicked the “send” button, genius.

Another reason I don’t look down at my phone all day is that I know for a fact I cannot walk in a straight line, especially if I am not paying attention to where I’m going. Since I’m already losing precious minutes of life expectancy by working at a desk and staring at a computer, I should at least try not to get run over, you know?

Anyway, I can’t say that I learned much from the article. The article recommended that every hour you get up from your desk and walk around, but isn’t that a given? I mean if you’re drinking your recommended six t0 eight glasses of water per day, shouldn’t you technically need to get up and walk somewhere every hour or so?  (By the way, it’s also recommended that you floss once a day, wear your seat belt, and quit smoking — in case you hadn’t heard.)

I think it’s pretty much common sense that you should sit, stand and lay down in equal increments every day. So that means once leave the office after an eight-hour work day, I should walk around for eight hours straight, and then go to bed, right?

Nah. That can’t be right. Then when would I watch Gossip Girl?

I would say that means I should walk on a treadmill while I watch Gossip Girl, but the thing is…even though the TV screen is larger than the phone, I doubt staring at it would really be much different than the phone while I’m walking, so it’s possible that I would fall off the treadmill, resulting in further injury to my back.

Or not. But I can’t afford a treadmill anyway — no money, no space. Actually, I do have a little money, but I’d rather spend that on a purse. Or a Halloween costume.

In the meantime, I’m going to go relax slowly, but surely kill myself by attaching myself to the couch and rotting my brain with some quality television programming.

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: achy
And I’m singin’ along to: Can’t Go Back Now – The Weepies