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Skirting our Problems

By not ruling at life, partying like a rock star, really great money-making ideas, roommates 7 Comments

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. Allison and I have been denied the privilege of renewing our lease (for reasons that make no sense at all that I am sick of discussing), so in the midst of gas prices soaring, we’ve been putting countless miles on our cars driving around Virginia Beach and Norfolk, frantically searching for our new home. (As of right now, we’ll be homeless for about a month or so if you’re interested in taking us in…) We spent yesterday afternoon consulting with an attorney, agruing with the staff of our apartment complex and dropping off our rental reference forms at the new apartment we’re applying for. By 5:00, I was exhausted and pissed off and still pretty sore from the half marathon this weekend. The apartment was a mess and I didn’t even feel like looking at it anymore, so I decided to space out and play some computer games on my bed.

I downloaded the free trial version of Aloha Solitaire on Yahoo! Games — extremely addicting. I ended up spending $20 to purchase the full version and I was still laying in bed in my work clothes playing it long after the sun went down, but I found myself starting to squint, so I got into my pajamas, watched Big Brother 6 on the TiVo and was about to fall asleep when Allison came home.

“Get dressed! We have to go to Have A Nice Day Cafe. Mini-skirt contest tonight! Five hundred dollars!” she said.

“Allison, I am not entering in a mini-skirt contest.”

“Even if you don’t enter, we get in for free if we wear mini-skirts!”

I figured I was in desperate need of some fun and excitement, so forty-five minutes later we were in Tom’s truck and I was wearing Allison’s size 2 Abercrombie cut-off denim skirt with the highest heels I own.

We parked at Waterside, we walked inside, we got on line. I noticed everyone wearing pants. “Allison,” I said, “where are all the skirts?”

“Um, maybe it’s next week. I thought the flyer said September 6…” she replied.

“People are staring at us. I can’t believe I am wearing this skirt in public.”

Sure enough, we had the date wrong. The mini-skirt contest is next Tuesday. We didn’t get in for free, either. We basically spent the whole night clinging to each other and Tom in the hopes that no sketchy boys would try to talk to us/dance with us/touch us inappropriately — we all know how I feel about strange people touching me. At one point, we saw an empty wall and backed right up to it, huddling together to avoid this one crazy stalker who was dressed like he thought he was Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.

Don’t get me wrong, part of me thoroughly enjoyed wearing the size 2 mini-skirt out in public, but I’m telling you, it’s just one fiasco after another for us lately. Hopefully things will turn around soon — at least in time for one of us (Allison) to win the $500 next week. We could really use the money to help pay for our upcoming moving expenses.

We trudged back up the stairs to our apartment at about 1:00 this morning. “Well Allison, leave it to us to wear our mini-skirts on the wrong night.”

“Yeah, I really wanted to win the $500.”

“Maybe next time we can start charging all the weirdos $20 to dance with us.”

“Yeah! Well, maybe we should start a little lower and see how it goes. Ten dollars per dance.”

“Twenty if there’s touching.”

Catching Up

By boys, employment, food, partying like a rock star, roommates, ruling at life, tv 2 Comments

Greetings earthlings. Is it hot down there?

Just kidding. I haven’t left the planet. I’m here experiencing the heat wave just like you — I promise. Hell, I even wore shorts to the office today. My mom said I was going to get fired. She said, “You’re always pushing the limits with those people.” Eh, whatever. My friend Stacey the un-receptionist quit last week, so I don’t even care if I get fired. This job is no fun anymore.

On the other hand, my latest restaurant job is pretty awesome.

I went to the Outer Banks last weekend to hang out with The Big A and her family in Corolla. It was a pretty good time. I did a lot of crossword puzzles and we taught her parents how to play Texas Hold ‘Em.

I’ve been going to the beach every afternoon that I have time after work to go swimming in the ocean.

Some random guy approached me in a parking garage the other day, commented on a particular body part of mine and asked me if I wanted to be a dancer in his friend’s upcoming music video, “Gangsta Love,” which will be taped over Labor Day weekend out near the Oceanfront. I politely declined, but I’m starting to think maybe I should have looked into it. I may have just passed up my once-in-a-lifetime chance at embarking on the career path of a rock star.

Allison and I have officially begun our search for a roommate to take Robbie’s place by October 15th when we renew our lease. Feel free to check out our profile — Allisa304 on

Speaking of Allison, she’s on a cruise this week with her family, so when her new boyfriend got arrested in her Jeep the other night, the Jeep got towed away and I had to track it down and go pick it up with $125 of my own cash. Her boyfriend is currently in jail for being a moron — Building 7 in Virginia Beach near the courthouse if you want to go pay him a little visit. I personally am unable to visit Blair in jail due to the fact that upon seeing him, I would probably resort to physical violence and also be arrested.

I had a dentist appointment to get my teeth cleaned this morning. Then I got them all dirty again with a huge sandwich from Arby’s on my way to work. I felt bad eating fast food 30 minutes after my fluoride treatment, but I had to. My coupon for $1.00 of any combo meal was about to expire.

I’ve been trying to cut back on my partying recently. Well, not really. I’d love to party, but apparently all of my guy friends are starting to think that my constant accompanying them out to bars is hindering their chances at scoring hot chicks. So, I’ve been making a conscious effort to stay in and watch TV some nights in order to support their quests for STDs/new girlfriends. It’s all good though — Big Brother 6 and Aqua Teen Hungerforce have been keeping me pretty entertained. Janelle, Kaysar and Meatwad have really been broadening my horizons about a lot of important topics such as comparing real life to chess strategies and the nutritional advantages of a weenie smoothie (lots of protein!). In the meantime, I’ll just keep my fingers crossed that those boys don’t feel too bad when they figure out it wasn’t my fault about the hot chicks.

About that show Big Brother, though — do you ever wonder whose eye that is in the opening credits? I mean, does some person actually get paid to blink on film?

Anyway, back to work. Stay cool.

Feels Like Summer

By partying like a rock star, roommates No Comments

We had an awesome time at Croc’s last night. Allison and Jen the neighbor really wanted to go out, but they’re both 20, so we had to do a little scheming. I thought back to a few summers ago when Kristy used to go sit at the Boathouse for dinner at 9:00 at night and then just stay once it got too crowded for anyone to notice. It seemed like a pretty good plan, and it worked!

Croc’s has $1 Corona Lights on Thursday nights. The place really reminds me of New Jersey sometimes — like a cross between Bar A and the Boathouse. The bands there on Thursday are always good, but there’s a DJ in between sets and everyone walks around with like four bottles of beer in their hands at one time. There’s a patio, a huge inside bar and a smaller tiki bar in the back of the place. The dance floor is pretty big, too, and the crowd there is always really chill.

Anyway, about a half hour after we arrived, I looked at Allison and Jen and then turned to my friend Chris and said, “Oh my god! I think this is the first time I’ve been out with more girls than guys since I moved here!”

Our friend Mark met up with us a little later and we all took a bunch of pictures and drank a lot of $1 beers and danced for an hour or so. It was hot.

I need to sneak underage roommates into bars more often.

Home Alone

By music, not ruling at life, partying like a rock star, roommates, ruling at life, the malibu 4 Comments

Allison is is Arizona, Robbie is in Maryland, and every sailor I know is out in the middle of the ocean right now — therefore I thought this weekend was going to be the worst weekend ever because I would have absolutely nothing to do. The way I saw it, from Thursday at 3:00 p.m., when I left work, until Sunday morning at 9:00 a.m., when I have to be at my other job, I was going to be completely and utterly bored.

I was being a completely miserable human being on Thursday. I had a cavity filled in the morning, so on top of my not looking forward to the weekend, the entire lower right side of my face was numb. I spent $10 on lunch and couldn’t even taste it and my throat was starting to hurt. I was in such a bad mood, I was beginning to give myself (and everyone around me) a migraine. So, I left work early and came home to watch every episode of NCIS since February 15 on my TiVo. Then I popped three Tylenol PM and went to sleep for a very long time.

On Friday morning, I opted to stop being miserable and headed to work for a few hours in a totally inappropriate outfit. I worked for a half hour, took an hour-long lunch break with Stacey, worked for another hour and then peaced out. I basically accomplished nothing — as usual. I headed straight to the mall and saw the new Herbie movie. Lindsay Lohan is my hero. I made a few sweet purchases at Victoria’s Secret and Banana Republic and called Scott, who invited me out to the Duck-In. (Apparently I did still have one friend in town.)

I showered, put on my new shirt and headed up to Shore Drive. It took me almost 45 minutes to find a parking spot, but I even ran into some other people I knew at the Duck-In, so that was cool. From there, we went to this little bar called the Cabo Cafe, which was pretty boring. I decided to leave. I figured since I was already dressed up and on Shore Drive, I would head over to Hot Tuna to see if I could find some new sailors to be friends with. No such luck. I made one lap around the place and left.

On the way home, I passed this stupid bar where someone told me they have karaoke on Friday nights. It was totally sketchy. I decided to go. It was more than totally sketchy. It was full of weirdos and rednecks. I signed up to sing “Addicted” by Simple Plan. Then I scribbled it out and wrote down another song, which I scribbled out five minutes later and switched back to Simple Plan. I faked having to make a phone call to run out to my car and rehearse it once, then I went in and got over my fear of singing in public. The karaoke guy even said I was pretty good, but he could have just been talking about my skirt. I guess I can check “Sing karaoke at a bar” off my list of New Year’s Resolutions.

I managed to do all of this before 1:00 a.m., so I stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home for a Chocolate Frosted to reward myself for being so awesome in the face of such a potentially boring weekend.

This morning, I got up at 9:20 a.m. and found myself strangely motivated to wash the Malibu. It must have been the Herbie movie. The Malibu hasn’t been washed since last June. It was totally disgusting. I bought some supplies at Target and drove over to the Freedom Wash. The Freedom Wash is very overwhelming. At night, it’s all lit up and could definitely be mistaken for a theme park by an unsuspecting tourist.

Anyway, I vacuumed the floors, I cleaned the seats with foaming upholstery cleaner, and I washed the car. A car wash attendant named Bob felt bad for me because I was spending so much money on time with the soapy brush, so he gave me some free minutes and helped me scrub the layers and layers of dirt off of my car. Then he gave me a free brush to clean my wheels with. Score. I tipped him five dollars. Then I cleaned the windows with glass wipes and even Windexed the insides of the doors and other hard-to-reach greasy spots on the car. Most people find, like, pens and money and stuff when they clean their cars. I found a year-and-a-half-old Dorito Rollito on the floor and a deserted wasps’ nest on one of my doors, so that was pretty gross.

I was really hot when I was done, so I got a huge smoothie laced with Vitamin C from Tropical Smoothie (my throat still hurts) and rented four movies from Hollywood Video.

So, that’s it. Now I’m watching movies and I just made myself some sloppy joes on hot dog buns for dinner, and I’m thinking that a Saturday alone wasn’t so bad after all. Even rock stars need a break every once in awhile.

Geography Skills

By games, roommates, ruling at life 5 Comments

In response to Sunday’s appalling lack of U.S. geography knowledge, I decided to take action. I did what anyone in my situation would do — I purchased the “Where in the USA is Carmen San Diego?” board game from a thrift store for 99 cents and cajoled my roommates into playing it with me on the deck last night in the sweltering heat.

After finding some makeshift “agent” playing pieces (pebbles from our coffee table candle display) and looking up the instructions for the 1993 edition on Yahoo!, Robbie won when he made an impressive arrest of V.I.L.E. henchman Li Non Mee at Frostbite Falls, North Dakota for stealing Amber Waves of Grain. Then we all worked together to track down Carmen San Diego by placing each of our three state capital tokens on their corresponding states in the 35-second time limit. What a burst of excitement!

After that, Allison and I walked to Dairy Queen. We figured we deserved a treat for being such geniuses on the subject of U.S. trivia. It was still pretty hot out and we were dodging slugs and caterpillars left and right as we cut through the Kmart parking lot. But, it was all worth it for her Blizzard and my large Diet Coke.

In my opinion, everyone should be an expert on U.S. states. Unfortunately, we don’t all have the 1993 edition of the “Where in the USA is Carmen San Diego?” board game at our fingertips, but if you’d like to brush up on your skills, I would suggest learning where the states are located or at least testing your knowledge of state names. Have fun!