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posts in the form of letters

A Letter to the Governor of Pennsylvania

By breaking news, drama, extreme sports, games, hazards to my well-being, new jersey, political views, posts in the form of letters, top notch communication blunders, weather, you might learn something 4 Comments

Dear Governor Ed Rendell,

You’re an idiot. Was it just that you had nothing else you could possibly do other than watch football on Sunday night? Sounds like you’ve scaled your social life to about the same level as my neighbor who rifles through trash bags on Tuesday afternoons.

As an elected public official, I would think that the safety of the general public would at least cross your mind before you start calling your country a “nation of wusses” and comparing us to the Chinese, who, according to you, can march to football games in blizzard conditions while doing calculus. (Note: Marching because if they can concentrate on sports and calculus at the same time, then I’m assuming they’re smart enough not to drive in white-out conditions.)

The thing is, Ed, we’re not a nation of wusses. We’re a nation of fearless, bumbling morons in pickup trucks who like to drink beer, go shirtless in the freezing cold for football, and drive in f-ing blizzards. So, people like the mature, intelligent mayor of Philadelphia are forced to make unpopular decisions because if given the choice between staying home or driving to a game in the snow, nine times out of ten the “fans’ choice” (as you put it) would be the wrong one. And by getting on the road in a blizzard, those fans would be putting everyone else in danger.

Granted, a majority of the snow didn’t fall in Philadelphia (only a foot!), but everywhere east of there was pretty much pummeled. The Eagles are cool enough to have fans in New York and New Jersey, right? Or maybe even Delaware? There’s nothing going on in that state, so you’ve got to have some fans down there.

My point is this. One of the contributing factors to the lack of plowing going on around here is that there are abandoned cars blocking all of the major roadways. Plows, ambulances, fire trucks, emergency vehicles have been unable to navigate their way to where they need to be for going on 48 hours now, but people are still getting in their cars to drive around, and people are still getting stuck in some places. Do you see the problem?

Think before you talk, Governor. If the mayor of Philadelphia was able to keep even 5,000 measly people off the road on Sunday night, he did the right thing.

To the Eagles and their fans, I’m sorry that Tuesday’s game was a disappointment and you lost, but seriously? I don’t think you wanted to play/attend that game in that snow either. Right?

Anyway, to sum things up, I’m pretty much glad I don’t live in Pennsylvania because I’d be super embarrassed to have my state name associated with yours these last few days. (Also because you have no beach there.) Maybe you should drive your car out onto the PA Turnpike, pull over onto the shoulder, and sit in it for two days. Then you might understand the importance of not driving in snow. (And also how crappy that dumb road is.)

Good luck recovering from this fumble.

Idly,
A snowed in former resident of your neighboring state of New Jersey whose dad and brother spent 7.5 hours stuck on the side of the road in a car trying to get home from the NJ Devils game, which also should have been cancelled

P.S. In China, football is soccer, and it’s so poisoned with corruption, they’ve actually had to kick off a campaign to set it straight.

Dear Livejournal,

By blogs, lj, new jersey, posts in the form of letters One Comment

I’ve decided that it’s all your fault that I don’t post in this blog anymore. I’m the type of person who gets crazy attached to inanimate objects, so I haven’t been able to accept that I may have to move the LJ to another website. (Can a website even be classified as an inanimate object?) The thought of migrating the LJ to another site makes me think about what will happen to all of my tags (especially the posts tagged “lj”). I’m seriously considering moving though. For real this time. You want to know why? Because when I drive through a New Jersey intersection after midnight and see a muscly-looking dude standing in the middle of the road outside his vehicle, trying to force a black t-shirt over his fedora-ridden head, I want a cool place to jot that down. Especially if, when I roll down the window, the guy yells, “I swear, he farted,” pointing at his passenger (who is still inside the vehicle). “He farted and I can’t even get into the car!”

I also would love to have someplace to brag about how I won a trip to St. Maarten at work and how I think my hair color is more interesting than everyone else’s. And I seriously doubt that readers of my other blog would respect me very much if I posted there about how I fell backwards down some concrete steps in Norfolk trying to take photos of my own outfit with the custom timer feature on my point-and-shoot camera. I need this blog for posts like that, you know?

You have until December, LiveJournal. Become cooler or I’m pulling the plug.

Sincerely,
Your author (formerly known as the Pineapple Enthusiast)

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: annoyed
And I’m singin’ along to: Clean Getaway – Maria Taylor