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not ruling at life

New Hobby

By mele the kitty, not ruling at life 3 Comments

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I’ve perfected a new hobby. It’s called laying around on the couch in a plaid shirt with my super-soft faux fur blanket, pinning a whole bunch of crap, and half-heartedly telling my cat to get her fat ass off the cable box (she thinks it’s her new bed). I don’t really want her to get off the cable box, though. Because then she’ll come up here on the couch to sink her claws into my furry blanket and turn that into her new bed. And then I would have to find a new hobby…like emptying the dishwasher or something.

Rough Week?

By drama, hazards to my well-being, not ruling at life, take me away 2 Comments

My mortgage company is a bunch of freakin’ liars, the zipper’s broken on my white eyelet dress, I’m pretty sure I’m desperately in need of an intelligent lawyer, and my car’s got a bunch of black rubber scuffs all over the side of it from a teensy little incident that happened on the road today. Oh, and my friend Michelle’s pet lobster died.

I think I need a little Jimmy Buffett in my life.



In other news, a few months ago, I kept getting all these dumb canker sores in my mouth. And I seriously couldn’t tell if they were from drinking orange juice or being stressed out. So, I stopped drinking orange juice, and I stopped getting stressed out…and they completely went away until this weekend, when I drank a whole bunch of mimosas and got super stressed out. And now I’ve got another stupid canker sore, and I still can’t tell if it’s from orange juice or being stressed out. And while this certainly isn’t quite as traumatic a catch-22 as most things, it’s still super annoying. And my mouth hurts.

Intervention

By hazards to my well-being, not ruling at life, shopping One Comment

I think know for a fact that I might definitely have a shopping problem. I know this isn’t really news to anyone, but I’m serious. I’m going to make a real effort not to buy any clothes, shoes, or useless accessories this week. In all honesty, I already tried to do that last week (and possibly the week before), and it didn’t work out. But I’m going to try again. For real this time. I swear.

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: addicted
And I’m singin’ along to: Heartbreaker – Simple Plan

To Do (Or Not To Do)

By lists, not ruling at life One Comment

Things I was planning to do this evening:
Vacuum
Clean bathroom
Iron a bunch of shirts
Organize my sunglasses
Write a blog post for The Coastal Chicster
List my old phone on eBay
Balance my checking account in Quicken
Wash/blow dry my hair
Read a book

Things I actually did this evening:
Ate McDonald’s
Browsed Twitter
Thought about buying myself a Kindle
Put my curling iron away
Peeled off my Shellac manicure and destroyed my nails (so, so dumb)
Sat on the floor and went through my collection of spare buttons (removed each one from the bag/envelope it came in to save room in the overflowing button jar)
Laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling
Ate a string cheese

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: lazy
And I’m singin’ along to: California – Wilson Phillips

A Number of Ways I Don’t Recommend Spending Your Day Off

By drama, hazards to my well-being, lists, mele the kitty, not ruling at life, you might learn something 4 Comments

mele car 3222011

1. Don’t start your day off taking your cat to the vet. Especially if said cat a super-psychotic about riding in cars, meows like a tortured cow, escapes from its cat carrier, and winds up sitting on the dashboard while you’re trying to drive. This is not an appealing way to kick off your day. Try something else — like enjoying coffee and a crossword puzzle while basking in the sunlight at a clean patio table.

2. Don’t waste your day off watching Les Misérables on the couch with your cat. This might seem like an effective use of your time (since your poor cat has been traumatized and is now extremely lethargic and pathetic as the result of an aspirated cyst and a rabies shot), but it’s not. Instead, opt to partake in some physical activity like running, yoga or dancing around the house with your vacuum.

3. Don’t spend an hour of your day off getting caught up in the drama of your water being wrongfully turned off by the city. Even though the city has already deducted your payment for the water from your bank account, they are not going to turn it on until you pay it again (plus a $20 fee to reinstate your water service, plus a $4.95 fee to pay online with a credit card, plus a $1.50 late fee). Making your payment means nothing because the city kind of has a monopoly on providing water. Just accept the fact that the city is a bunch of lazy bitches who can’t seem to process payments in a timely manner. Your payment was a little late, so you probably deserve having your water disconnected. (Actually, no…I completely disagree with that statement). Instead of doing this, just relax, light $20 on fire and indulge yourself in an afternoon margarita (or three).

4. Don’t take a day off to have a filling replaced at the dentist. Especially if you have any suspicions that the dentist might have trouble getting the new filling right on the first try. After you’ve endured the escaped cat, Les Mis, and the water fiasco, learning your dentist needs to re-drill out the filling after you thought you were all done might just send you over the edge. You know? As an alternative, you might try getting a massage or a facial. Dentist appointments are just not as enjoyable as those things.

5. Don’t drug yourself on your day off. Even though you Googled an allergy medication that was given to you three years ago to find out it was once used as a mild sedative in dentist offices in the 1950s…you shouldn’t purposely medicate yourself with something that you know will make you sleep for four hours on your day off. You’ll wake up at 6:30 p.m. feeling like you wasted your entire day and wishing you’d done some laundry instead. Then you’ll stay up too late and wake up the next morning wishing you had yet another day off to do your laundry, vacuum, work out, pick up your dry cleaning, and go to the eye doctor.

You understand this is not an ideal way to enjoy a day off work. But, hey, if you do ruin your day off doing these things, at least you’ll know that your cat is not, in fact, going to die of a cancerous neck tumor. And you won’t have to pay next month’s water bill once your payment (from last Thursday) finally posts to your account. And you won’t have to go back to the dentist for at least six months, so that’s exciting, right?

mele car 2 3222011

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: burnt out
And I’m singin’ along to: I’m Just A Kid – Simple Plan