Plan A: Stay dry and don’t get injured.

Plan B: I’ll be on my roof upstairs balcony in a shark costume, sporting adult swimmies (for extra safety), and carrying a light-up trident (to command the seas). Because I’m pretty sure if given the choice between rescuing an average-looking blonde girl in a flamingo skirt or a shark wearing swimmies holding King Neptune’s spear shining like a beacon of hope in the howling wind, torrential rains, and rising water…you’re coming for the shark every time.

Disclaimer (for those of you with no sense of humor): My actual hurricane preparedness purchases included a vintage-inspired AM/FM radio, a spare battery for my 80s-style floating flashlight from Hurricane Matthew, a full tank of gas, and some water. If you need me before Sunday, I’ll be hiding in a corner, studying for the ham radio exam.