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A Number of Ways I Don’t Recommend Spending Your Day Off

By drama, hazards to my well-being, lists, mele the kitty, not ruling at life, you might learn something 4 Comments

mele car 3222011

1. Don’t start your day off taking your cat to the vet. Especially if said cat a super-psychotic about riding in cars, meows like a tortured cow, escapes from its cat carrier, and winds up sitting on the dashboard while you’re trying to drive. This is not an appealing way to kick off your day. Try something else — like enjoying coffee and a crossword puzzle while basking in the sunlight at a clean patio table.

2. Don’t waste your day off watching Les Misérables on the couch with your cat. This might seem like an effective use of your time (since your poor cat has been traumatized and is now extremely lethargic and pathetic as the result of an aspirated cyst and a rabies shot), but it’s not. Instead, opt to partake in some physical activity like running, yoga or dancing around the house with your vacuum.

3. Don’t spend an hour of your day off getting caught up in the drama of your water being wrongfully turned off by the city. Even though the city has already deducted your payment for the water from your bank account, they are not going to turn it on until you pay it again (plus a $20 fee to reinstate your water service, plus a $4.95 fee to pay online with a credit card, plus a $1.50 late fee). Making your payment means nothing because the city kind of has a monopoly on providing water. Just accept the fact that the city is a bunch of lazy bitches who can’t seem to process payments in a timely manner. Your payment was a little late, so you probably deserve having your water disconnected. (Actually, no…I completely disagree with that statement). Instead of doing this, just relax, light $20 on fire and indulge yourself in an afternoon margarita (or three).

4. Don’t take a day off to have a filling replaced at the dentist. Especially if you have any suspicions that the dentist might have trouble getting the new filling right on the first try. After you’ve endured the escaped cat, Les Mis, and the water fiasco, learning your dentist needs to re-drill out the filling after you thought you were all done might just send you over the edge. You know? As an alternative, you might try getting a massage or a facial. Dentist appointments are just not as enjoyable as those things.

5. Don’t drug yourself on your day off. Even though you Googled an allergy medication that was given to you three years ago to find out it was once used as a mild sedative in dentist offices in the 1950s…you shouldn’t purposely medicate yourself with something that you know will make you sleep for four hours on your day off. You’ll wake up at 6:30 p.m. feeling like you wasted your entire day and wishing you’d done some laundry instead. Then you’ll stay up too late and wake up the next morning wishing you had yet another day off to do your laundry, vacuum, work out, pick up your dry cleaning, and go to the eye doctor.

You understand this is not an ideal way to enjoy a day off work. But, hey, if you do ruin your day off doing these things, at least you’ll know that your cat is not, in fact, going to die of a cancerous neck tumor. And you won’t have to pay next month’s water bill once your payment (from last Thursday) finally posts to your account. And you won’t have to go back to the dentist for at least six months, so that’s exciting, right?

mele car 2 3222011

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: burnt out
And I’m singin’ along to: I’m Just A Kid – Simple Plan

Kids vs. Kitties

By kona the kitty, lists, mele the kitty One Comment

I know people dislike it when I compare their kids to my cats. I know they do. I just can’t help it. There are some very striking similarities between young children and my cats, and I don’t mean these comparisons as an insult – they are simply my way to partake in a conversation that’s way over my head (since I don’t have any kids). You see?

Don’t get me wrong – I understand that there is much more than to raising kids than to maintaining a couple of furry kitties, but tell me these couple of things don’t hold any water at all.

1. You have to feed your kids, and it’s expensive. Well, I have to feed my cats, and they eat this all-natural, high-protein, grain-free food that’s freaking expensive.

2. You have to change your kids’ diapers, and I’m assuming that can be a little stinky. I have to clean my cats’ poops out of their litter box, and my cats are crap factories. A little stinky? Try extremely stinky!

3. Your kids sometimes whine about stuff and beg for snacks. Mele definitely whines and begs for snacks, too – just not with words.

4. Your kids try to get in your bed, and they get all nestled up in between you and your husband/wife, which can make shifting positions in your sleep very awkward. My cats jump in my bed and get all nestled up in and around my legs, creating an  immobility issue (unless I want to kick them in their heads, which I really don’t).

5. You need a babysitter for your kids if you leave the house without them. Well, I don’t need a sitter for a few hours, but if I leave town for a week, I have to find some poor unsuspecting soul to come over and scoop poop at least once.

6. Your kids have unique personalities, and they make you laugh. My cats have unique personalities, and they make me laugh.

7. You try to discipline your kids, and they don’t always listen. I try to discipline my cats and they never listen!

8. Your kids sometimes eat things that aren’t edible, and you also have to clean up after your kids when they make a mess. My cats eat insects and leave their dismembered legs on the living room carpet. Who do you think is cleaning that?

So, there you have it. In my world, my cats are just a little bit like your kids.

Kona the Kitty

By holiday fun, kona the kitty, mele the kitty No Comments

It has come to my attention that I am precariously approaching the status of future crazy cat lady, and therefore need to delve back into some of my previous hobbies (such as updating the LJ with humorous anecdotes) in order to keep my hospitable self out of the cat adoption sections of the various PetSmarts around town. 

As you know, I adopted Mele the kitty in April, and she is the most awesome cat ever. She loves to talk and roll around on the carpet and rip up paper, and she loves to play with strings and Nordstrom shopping bags (although her current favorite is a red shopping bag from Bebe). However, due to our current living situation (i.e., my roommate is never home and I sometimes sleep at my boyfriend’s house), I think Mele has been lonely. I’ve been contemplating adopting her a friend for the past few months, but I was going to wait until January. 

So, of course, I just happened to find the cutest little kitten at PetSmart last week. I fell in love with her. She’s really sweet, but really shy because she was rescued from under a house. She’s been very sick for the first few months of her life, so she’s pretty tiny and her foster family says she probably won’t get much bigger. But, she’s healthy now, and she’s six months old. She’s got black and grey tiger stripes and four white feet. I hope Mele likes her. I’m going to name her Kona. (Kitties with Hawaiian names rock.)

I figure they’ll make a good pair. Kona’s really shy and loves to hide, and Mele’s always hiding under the couch because she’s scared of the “big scary space monster” (a.k.a. jet noise), so they can totally have kitty time under the couch together. Right?

Right. Don’t let me adopt any more cats.

Oh, and Mele wanted me to tell everyone “Mele Kalikimaka!” (I think she thinks it means Merry Christmas just from her… Silly.)

Make a little birdhouse in your soul.

By breaking news, mele the kitty No Comments

My cat was excited to read on Yahoo! this morning that a new species of fist-sized bird was recently discovered in Colombia.  Isn’t it cute?  It’s called the Yariguies brush-finch.  It kind of looks like the long-lost member of a one-hit nineties punk band with that orange mohawk.  When I get discovered, I’m going to have a talented graphic designer put this little guy on my first hit CD cover. It’s going to be totally sweet.  Anyway, congratulations to the Yariguies brush-finch for being discovered. Rock on.

What You’ve Been Missing

By birthdays, books, boys, employment, food, lj, mele the kitty, music, roommates, school, skills, the malibu, tv 3 Comments

Hi, my name is Lisa. I never update my LiveJournal. I take ice skating and belly-dancing lessons, and I have a cat named Mele that I adopted from Chesapeake Cat Rescue a few weeks ago. I work full-time as a marketing assistant (which means I work on Fridays now), and I’m about to receive an A (as far as I know) in my first graduate-level course, Modern Rhetoric. My ex-boyfriend lives in Alabama now, but we watch “Love Monkey” together on Tuesday nights. I kind of started a business a few months ago with my roommate, Allison, but we hardly talk right now because she has a boyfriend and never comes home. I spend a lot of time reading and watching my TiVo. I’m currently reading How to Make Love Like A Porn Star…A Cautionary Tale by Jenna Jameson – it’s her autobiography and it’s awesome. Sometimes my military friends call me from other countries, like Bahrain, Iraq, Spain and Japan. I hardly listen to cool music right now because my Malibu just spits my CDs out and says “E r r” (short for “Error”) when I try to play them, and my iPod is never charged. Most nights when I don’t feel like running, I use “My iPod isn’t charged” as an excuse. I tried to go back to Weight Watchers recently, but found myself very un-motivated to lose 2.8 pounds. I recently got a raise at work, but I keep trying to get another one without success. I usually put off food shopping as long as possible because it makes me lonely. I’ve been drinking a lot of water and my hair is highlighted, so it’s pretty blonde. My digital camera was stolen on St. Patrick’s Day, but my mom got me a new one for my birthday and I love taking lots of pictures wherever I go. That’s about it.