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If you…

By fabio the hamster, las vegas, lists 6 Comments

If you think you can move to the desert and moisturize less than three times per day, you are wrong.

If you think you can find a job in Las Vegas in less than one week just because there are so many jobs here, you are also wrong.

If you own a Home Depot and you think it is acceptable to play love songs constantly in your store, you are extremely wrong.

If you are driving a green SUV from Colorado in Las Vegas and you think it’s a good idea to cut me off on Flamingo, you are damn wrong.

If you clicked on that link to try to see an Osama video and infected your poor computer with tons of spyware even though I nicely warned you not to, you are an idiot.

If you are a hamster and you have opted to discontinue boisterous nocturnal activities due to the removal of your exercise wheel, you are damn lucky because you won’t have to worry about me contemplating flushing you down the toilet tonight.

If you think I would actually consider taking my clothing off for money and/or do not believe that I was joking about it on my away message, and if you actually IMed me to say so, you have some serious issues.

If you are a security gate attendant and you think that a Jersey girl won’t bite your head off for not being cooperative about her having to get home to change into some running clothes after a long day of fruitless job-searching just because of an expired visitor’s pass, you are in for a big surprise.

Oh, and if you think I would really flush that stupid rat down the toilet, you are just sick. It may be loud, but it’s furry and cute and it sleeps in a little plastic TV.

I am the proud owner of strong narcotics.

By las vegas, little cousins One Comment

So, I’m here in Las Vegas.  Unfortunately, I spent the first night I was here in the emergency room – an experience I don’t look forward to ever repeating.  Due to the non-existent blood clot I thought might be present in my leg, I finally panicked and went to the hospital to make sure I wasn’t going to suffer from sudden death by pulmonary embolism.  Apparently, I just have some insanely painful leg cramps from the six long days of driving, so after all those hours in the emergency room, all I got was a painful ultrasound negative for blood clots, a lecture about getting enough potassium, and a prescription for Lortab.  Needless to say, I won’t be returning to Jersey until the day I have enough money saved up to ship my car.  But, for now, at least I can say, “I am the proud owner of strong narcotics” over and over again until the pill I just took knocks me out and puts me to sleep for 10 hours.

On a brighter note, I made $5 into $25 at a slot machine this afternoon.  It may not seem like a lot, but it means I’ve increased my savings by 12 percent.  (Yes, I am in desperate need of a job, I know.)  Of course, of that $25, $5 of it was what I started with, I spent $15.59 on a belt (just what I need – another belt), and saved one of the one-dollar coins that came out of the slot machine for good luck, so I guess I only really left with $3.41 and a belt more than I started with.  This journal entry is beginning to look like a word problem.

My four little cousins are cracking me up.  Here’s a picture of this evening:  I’m IMing friends on the computer.  Franky comes in and starts reading over my shoulder.  Courtney comes in and sees a fuzz on Franky’s head.  She says it looks like spider eggs and that it won’t come out.  He screams and starts rubbing his head on the bed I have to sleep in tonight.  I shriek and tell him to get out of the room.  Courtney comes back shaking with toilet paper and gets it out of his head.  She flushes it down the toilet.  Franky finally stops screaming and when Courtney comes back, he farts.  She yells at him for farting on his shoe and he informs her that he got called back to the peanut butter commercial that my uncle took him to audition for this afternoon.  He has to go back again tomorrow for more auditioning.  She says she doesn’t care.  It’s not polite to fart on people’s shoes.  Franky leaves the room and Kristin comes in.  They’re still reading IM conversations over my shoulder.  Franky comes back with a banana which comes dangerously close to the laptop screen.  “Please keep all squishy fruits 12 inches from all electronic devices,” I say.  All of a sudden, Courtney says, “Franky, what did you put in my pants!”  He may have put a piece of banana down the back of her pants, but I’m not sure.  I do know that a slight wedgy war began shortly after that.  Samantha comes into the room and I now have an audience of four watching me type all mesmerized by the sheer speed and accuracy of my typing.  I realize I’m glad I didn’t take a nap this evening – I may have missed all of this excitement.  Of course, I think this kind of eventfulness will be everpresent in the upcoming weeks.

Anyway, the painkiller is starting to kick in and I have a lot of sleep to catch up on.  Here’s another word problem.  If Lisa lost three nights of sleep due to panicking about a non-existent case of thrombosis and one night of sleep from spending six hours in an emergency room, then how many hours of sleep does Lisa need to get tonight?  More than she will actually get, I’m sure.

Either way, I’m in Vegas, the weather’s nice, I got in a nice run this morning (which actually made my legs feel better), and I have my cutest, youngest , little cousin begging to cuddle up with me in bed.  Life doesn’t get much better than that.

“We love to double-time, we do it all the time.”

By las vegas, music, ruling at life 4 Comments

I want to run.  I’ve never wanted to run so bad in my life.  I was never really much of a runner until I decided to apply to Navy OCS, but I guess I’ve offically become one.  It’s obviously too cold out to run, and I’ve said over and over that the treadmill doesn’t do it for me.  I’m going to use the treadmill today anyway because I need to, but I’ll be in Vegas in two more weeks, and it’s considerably warmer there.  I’m going to whip out the Run to Cadence with the US Navy CD and go for a three-mile run as soon as I get there, and I can’t wait!