Catching Up

By boys, employment, food, partying like a rock star, roommates, ruling at life, tv 2 Comments

Greetings earthlings. Is it hot down there?

Just kidding. I haven’t left the planet. I’m here experiencing the heat wave just like you — I promise. Hell, I even wore shorts to the office today. My mom said I was going to get fired. She said, “You’re always pushing the limits with those people.” Eh, whatever. My friend Stacey the un-receptionist quit last week, so I don’t even care if I get fired. This job is no fun anymore.

On the other hand, my latest restaurant job is pretty awesome.

I went to the Outer Banks last weekend to hang out with The Big A and her family in Corolla. It was a pretty good time. I did a lot of crossword puzzles and we taught her parents how to play Texas Hold ‘Em.

I’ve been going to the beach every afternoon that I have time after work to go swimming in the ocean.

Some random guy approached me in a parking garage the other day, commented on a particular body part of mine and asked me if I wanted to be a dancer in his friend’s upcoming music video, “Gangsta Love,” which will be taped over Labor Day weekend out near the Oceanfront. I politely declined, but I’m starting to think maybe I should have looked into it. I may have just passed up my once-in-a-lifetime chance at embarking on the career path of a rock star.

Allison and I have officially begun our search for a roommate to take Robbie’s place by October 15th when we renew our lease. Feel free to check out our profile — Allisa304 on

Speaking of Allison, she’s on a cruise this week with her family, so when her new boyfriend got arrested in her Jeep the other night, the Jeep got towed away and I had to track it down and go pick it up with $125 of my own cash. Her boyfriend is currently in jail for being a moron — Building 7 in Virginia Beach near the courthouse if you want to go pay him a little visit. I personally am unable to visit Blair in jail due to the fact that upon seeing him, I would probably resort to physical violence and also be arrested.

I had a dentist appointment to get my teeth cleaned this morning. Then I got them all dirty again with a huge sandwich from Arby’s on my way to work. I felt bad eating fast food 30 minutes after my fluoride treatment, but I had to. My coupon for $1.00 of any combo meal was about to expire.

I’ve been trying to cut back on my partying recently. Well, not really. I’d love to party, but apparently all of my guy friends are starting to think that my constant accompanying them out to bars is hindering their chances at scoring hot chicks. So, I’ve been making a conscious effort to stay in and watch TV some nights in order to support their quests for STDs/new girlfriends. It’s all good though — Big Brother 6 and Aqua Teen Hungerforce have been keeping me pretty entertained. Janelle, Kaysar and Meatwad have really been broadening my horizons about a lot of important topics such as comparing real life to chess strategies and the nutritional advantages of a weenie smoothie (lots of protein!). In the meantime, I’ll just keep my fingers crossed that those boys don’t feel too bad when they figure out it wasn’t my fault about the hot chicks.

About that show Big Brother, though — do you ever wonder whose eye that is in the opening credits? I mean, does some person actually get paid to blink on film?

Anyway, back to work. Stay cool.


By conversations, food 3 Comments

I feel like I have reverted back to the fourth grade. My friend Stacey the un-receptionist and I have been sharing bologna and cheese sandwiches for lunch all week. Sometimes we share chips and a soda, too. Now we’re splitting a bag of Twizzlers.

Lisa: “I feel like I have taken a giant step back to elementary school. Can I just start calling you Alyssa? Alyssa was my best friend in elementary school. She always had the best lunches and shared with me. Pringles and stuff.”

Stacey: “My best friend’s name was Katie. You look like a Katie.”

Lisa: “Fine. I’ll call you Alyssa, you call me Katie. Except I thought you were going to start calling me Elli. What happened to that? Huh?”

Stacey: “Oh yeah.”

Lisa: “Yeah.”

Stacey: “Well, here. I saved you the last Twizzler.”

Better than a Box Full of Starving Crazed Weasels

By boys, conversations, food, memories, new jersey, roommates, virginia beach 4 Comments

One of the perks of living in Virginia Beach is that there is a Dunkin’ Donuts just around the corner from my apartment complex. So, whenever Allison and I get annoyed with boys, we just hop in the car and pull up to the DnD drive thru window to order up one of our favorite comfort foods.

I’ve always thought fondly of DnD. There were about seven of them within 10 miles of my house in New Jersey, so I think it was inevitable that I would become attached at some point. When the Classic Cup in Manasquan closed down, Jamie and I took to the Sea Girt location for our late-night, over-coffee conversations about life, and when the pre-Starbucks Coffee Coolatta was popular for five minutes several summers ago, Stacey and I thought the frozen indulgence was the perfect way to accessorize for any occasion. When I worked at Insano in Asbury Park, I’d always stop at the DnD on Cookman for a quick bagel (double-toasted with light cream cheese) if I was working a morning shift, and I must say, I’ve even used the occasional Apple ‘n Spice donut to say “I’m sorry” or “Good morning!” to a love interest. (Personally, I find the Apple ‘n Spice donut to be a perfect stand-in for the Hallmark greeting card.)

Over the years, the item I’ve fallen in the love with the most is definitely the Bosten Creme donut. I think I’ve become the Boston Creme donut’s biggest fan. The Boston Creme donut has been there to dry my tears, to make me feel satiated before bedtime and energized before work, and to accompany me during some of the most boring road trips of all time.

Of course, just like any friend, the Boston Creme donut is not always reliable. Most Dunkin’ Donuts run out of Boston Creme donuts by 10:30 p.m. I remember one time, in New Jersey, I was craving a Boston Creme donut so much that I called six Dunkin’ Donuts stores before I found one that still had some at one o’clock in the morning. I requested that they put it on hold for me and drove 10 minutes up Route 35 to retrieve it.

Similarly, the DnD by my apartment runs out of good donuts excessively. For example, they run out of Allison’s favorite – the Marble Frosted donut – all the time. Well, maybe not all the time. I do remember one drunken night we pulled up to the drive thru window with tear-streaked faces and a handful of change and thankfully, DnD had both a Marble Frosted and a Boston Creme donut for us that night. That was a lucky night.

Anyway, last night wasn’t quite the same as that night. Both of us were just a little frustrated with friends of ours – mostly her boyfriend and our roommate. We were sitting on the couch sulking in front of Pirates of the Caribbean and we just needed to get out of the apartment for a few minutes, so I suggested a Dunkin’ Donuts run. “We haven’t done that in awhile,” I said.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Allison said.

So we got on some sweatshirts and hopped in the Malibu to drive around the corner to the DnD drive thru. Whenever I pull up to the DnD drive thru window, I always feel like Weird Al in his song, “Albequerque.”

“Do you have any Marble Frosted donuts?” I ask.

“No, we’re out of Marble Frosted donuts.”

“Do you have any Boston Creme donuts?”

“Nah, we’re out of Boston Creme donuts.”

“Do you have any Bavarian Creme donuts?”

“Nah, we’re outta Bavarian Creme donuts.”

Usually the conversation proceeds until I ask for a Chocolate Frosted donut, which is usually in stock. Last night it was a little skewed.

“Do you have any Chocolate Frosted donuts?”

“Well, which kind? Chocolate Chocolate Frosted or just Chocolate Frosted. We have Chocolate Chocoloate, but if you just want Chocolate Frosted regular, I can go in the back and make them for you.”

“Make them for us?” I inquired.

“Yeah, we just gotta squeeze the chocolate frosting on ’em. It’s cool.”

“Are there any other Dunkin’ Donuts around here?” Allison asked.

“Um, I don’t know about that. I can just make them for you,” the genius in the window responded.

“Are you new?” I asked.

“I don’t know about that. I don’t know where there are other ones. I’m about to go to boot camp. I don’t give no shit about this frickin’ job. I don’t know about that,” he said.

“What kind of donuts do you have in there?” I asked.

He listed off a bunch of mumbled donut names that sounded vaguely familiar, but I was thoroughly confused. “Can we just come in and see what you’ve got?” I asked. Late at night, the front door is locked. Only the drive thru is open.

“Sure,” he said. “Come in. I don’t care about this damn job. I’ll unlock the door.”

So, I parked the car and we went inside to browse the donut selection. Unfortunately there was nothing exciting. “Do you have any Munchkins?” Allison asked desperately.

“Yeah. What ones you want?”

We ordered 25 chocolate and glazed Munchkins and got out our money to pay. “Don’t even worry about it,” the guy said. He sent us on our way with a box of free Munchkins.

“SCORE!” I said when we got to the car. “Free shit!”

“We got hooked UP!” Allison said. She opened the box. “There is way, way more than 25 Munchkins in this box.”

So, there you have it. Another restaurant fiasco that left Allison and I with some free donuts. (Yes, there have been others — a few at DnD and one at Smokey Bones that resulted in our group leaving the reastaurant with over a dozen free donuts.)

In all that excitement, were totally distracted from the fact that any boys had annoyed us in the first place. Mission accomplished. We plopped back down on the couch with the comforting feeling of a tummy full of donuts and a renewed appreciation for Johnny Depp and watched more of the movie until Allison’s boyfriend called. Of course they got in another argument, so I ended up going to bed, but at least there was like 25 Munchkins left in that box for breakfast this morning and for dinner later on tonight because I’m sure we’ll be annoyed again by then.

(And don’t worry, Boston Creme donut. Just because you weren’t around this time, doesn’t mean I’ve given up on you. Perhaps we’ll get together this weekend. It’ll be fun. Oh! And I promise I’ll never choose a Krispy Kreme over you.)

Goodbye Starbucks, Hello Wawa

By food, virginia beach 8 Comments

After yet another disturbing Starbucks experience last night (which resulted in my pouring yet another $4.85 Iced Grande Non-fat Sugar-free Vanilla Latte With Only One Shot Of Espresso down the drain), I have decided I am through with them. The thing about Starbucks is that there is supposed to be consistancy throughout the chain. Specific lattes should taste the same wherever you order them, not vary from location to location. It’s wonderful to offer to remake any drink that doesn’t taste right, but it doesn’t help much if it tastes worse the second time. Unbelievable. I am no longer frequenting Starbucks for coffee purposes – I’ll go there for passionfruit iced tea and rice krispy bars, but no more coffee drinks.

There are two huge Wawas in Virginia Beach – one on Rosemont and one on Independence – and both are pretty much on my way to work. So, I am proclaiming myself a new Wawa regular and my new favorite coffee drink will be a 16 oz. Wawa coffee with Wawa French Vanilla Non-Dairy Creamer and a half-packet of Splenda. I’ll find a new iced coffee beverage in the spring.


By food, lists, ruling at life 5 Comments

It’s funny, despite my waning attempts to succeed at Weight Watchers (I never write down my food, I don’t go to meetings because $12.00 will buy me a CD or three Starbucks lattes, I eat a lot of cheese), I still seem to be losing weight. After much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that my post-Las Vegas downsizing has been a result of the following:

1. There is no f-ing food in our house! No one goes food shopping but my dad, and he’s still on Atkins. Therefore, other than an occasional leftover chicken thigh or clump of cooked green vegetables in the refrigerator, we have a serious lack of foods to munch on here at my house — especially Oreo cookies — we had a bottomless jar of Oreo cookies in Vegas. So, I can get up off the couch and mumble, “I’m hungry,” and open the pantry, then the fridge, then the pantry again, but I’ll just end up with a glass of water because that’s really all there is.

2. The air conditioning isn’t functioning properly in the Malibu, so even if I do get hungry enough to leave the house in search of food, I change my mind when I remember that driving the car involves sitting in 90-degree heat.

3. Plus, food costs money, and now that I am a size four, I’d rather spend my money on clothes than food.

4. I’m so over the whole restaurant thing that even though I work in one, I rarely feel the need or the desire to consume any of the food there. I just serve the greasy french fries and the fatty ranch dressing and the calorie-ridden mixed drinks to the clueless customers and feel a little bad sometimes that they have no idea that their dinner will be the reason that they’ll weigh two or three pounds more in the morning.

5. If I do feel a little hungry, I simply glance over to the greasy pan from yesterday’s chicken fingers or the congealed bit of blue cheese dressing from Tuesday’s wings and pizza and think, “I’m sure glad that’s not the latest addition to my formerly fat arm.”

(NOTE: I have also been doing sit-ups and push-ups and running two or three miles a day — I suppose that could be a reason, too.)