Here’s one I’ve never heard before…

By boys, conversations, food One Comment

I was in the parking garage elevator this morning with a middle-aged guy wearing a wedding band who kept glancing at my lunch, which was in a clear Glad container.

“That looks like some nice pasta you have there,” he said.

“Yeah. I cooked dinner last night. For my ex-boyfriend,” I stated.

“Wow. That’s pretty nice for an ex-boyfriend. You trying to make him realize what he’s missing out on or something?” he asked.

“Not really,” I replied.

“Well, it looks good. I wish I was your ex-boyfriend.”

What? Who says that?

“Welcome to Lost Wages…”

By food, las vegas, little cousins 3 Comments

I’m in Vegas. I just just got off the plane a little while ago. I’m back in my old spot lying on the floor in Sammy’s room, getting rug-burn on my elbows while I putz around on the computer.

Technically, I’m here to help my grandparents move into their new house, but their furniture hasn’t arrived yet, so I guess I’ll be otherwise engaged.

The first thing I did when I got off the plane was go to In’N’Out Burger. Yum.

Lisa: “Let’s go to In’N’Out Burger! I’m hungry.”

Franky: “No! In’N’Out Burger is disgusting!”

Lisa: “Have you ever been there?”

Franky: “No.”

Lisa: “Idiot.”

Franky: “Do they have plain chicken sandwiches there with just ketchup?”

Lisa: “No, they just have burgers. You can get a cheeseburger with just ketchup.”

Franky: “No! I don’t want cheese. Just a burger with ketchup only. Do they have that?”

Lisa: “Yeah. Just order a plain hamburger with just ketchup.”

Franky: “Right. That’s the same as a plain chicken sandwich.”

Lisa: “How does that work?”

Franky: “A plain chicken sandwich has just ketchup.”

Lisa: “Franky, a chicken sandwich is chicken. A hamburger is cow.”

Franky: “Ooooooh.”

Wow. It’s great to be back in town.

Score a few points for Shania Twain!

By employment, food, ruling at life One Comment

This morning I got fired from my waitressing job. In a voicemail. Who fires someone in a voicemail? They didn’t even say, “You’re fired.” They said, “You don’t have to come in this week. We covered your shift, so don’t worry about working here anymore.” It sounded like they were doing me a favor, which is fitting because they are! Losing that dumb job is the best thing that’s happened to me in two months!

I knew it! My good mood plan is working and I’m already having better luck. After I got that voicemail, I went downstairs to the vending machine and there were Cheez-Its! Two bags of Cheez-Its and a Diet Pepsi later, I’m a happy girl typing away on an article I’m writing for work.

It’s going to be a good week. I can tell.

Catching Up

By boys, employment, food, partying like a rock star, roommates, ruling at life, tv 2 Comments

Greetings earthlings. Is it hot down there?

Just kidding. I haven’t left the planet. I’m here experiencing the heat wave just like you — I promise. Hell, I even wore shorts to the office today. My mom said I was going to get fired. She said, “You’re always pushing the limits with those people.” Eh, whatever. My friend Stacey the un-receptionist quit last week, so I don’t even care if I get fired. This job is no fun anymore.

On the other hand, my latest restaurant job is pretty awesome.

I went to the Outer Banks last weekend to hang out with The Big A and her family in Corolla. It was a pretty good time. I did a lot of crossword puzzles and we taught her parents how to play Texas Hold ‘Em.

I’ve been going to the beach every afternoon that I have time after work to go swimming in the ocean.

Some random guy approached me in a parking garage the other day, commented on a particular body part of mine and asked me if I wanted to be a dancer in his friend’s upcoming music video, “Gangsta Love,” which will be taped over Labor Day weekend out near the Oceanfront. I politely declined, but I’m starting to think maybe I should have looked into it. I may have just passed up my once-in-a-lifetime chance at embarking on the career path of a rock star.

Allison and I have officially begun our search for a roommate to take Robbie’s place by October 15th when we renew our lease. Feel free to check out our profile — Allisa304 on

Speaking of Allison, she’s on a cruise this week with her family, so when her new boyfriend got arrested in her Jeep the other night, the Jeep got towed away and I had to track it down and go pick it up with $125 of my own cash. Her boyfriend is currently in jail for being a moron — Building 7 in Virginia Beach near the courthouse if you want to go pay him a little visit. I personally am unable to visit Blair in jail due to the fact that upon seeing him, I would probably resort to physical violence and also be arrested.

I had a dentist appointment to get my teeth cleaned this morning. Then I got them all dirty again with a huge sandwich from Arby’s on my way to work. I felt bad eating fast food 30 minutes after my fluoride treatment, but I had to. My coupon for $1.00 of any combo meal was about to expire.

I’ve been trying to cut back on my partying recently. Well, not really. I’d love to party, but apparently all of my guy friends are starting to think that my constant accompanying them out to bars is hindering their chances at scoring hot chicks. So, I’ve been making a conscious effort to stay in and watch TV some nights in order to support their quests for STDs/new girlfriends. It’s all good though — Big Brother 6 and Aqua Teen Hungerforce have been keeping me pretty entertained. Janelle, Kaysar and Meatwad have really been broadening my horizons about a lot of important topics such as comparing real life to chess strategies and the nutritional advantages of a weenie smoothie (lots of protein!). In the meantime, I’ll just keep my fingers crossed that those boys don’t feel too bad when they figure out it wasn’t my fault about the hot chicks.

About that show Big Brother, though — do you ever wonder whose eye that is in the opening credits? I mean, does some person actually get paid to blink on film?

Anyway, back to work. Stay cool.


By conversations, food 3 Comments

I feel like I have reverted back to the fourth grade. My friend Stacey the un-receptionist and I have been sharing bologna and cheese sandwiches for lunch all week. Sometimes we share chips and a soda, too. Now we’re splitting a bag of Twizzlers.

Lisa: “I feel like I have taken a giant step back to elementary school. Can I just start calling you Alyssa? Alyssa was my best friend in elementary school. She always had the best lunches and shared with me. Pringles and stuff.”

Stacey: “My best friend’s name was Katie. You look like a Katie.”

Lisa: “Fine. I’ll call you Alyssa, you call me Katie. Except I thought you were going to start calling me Elli. What happened to that? Huh?”

Stacey: “Oh yeah.”

Lisa: “Yeah.”

Stacey: “Well, here. I saved you the last Twizzler.”