Back to Work

By employment, not ruling at life, shopping No Comments

Well, it’s been fun screwing around for the last several weeks. Thanksgiving was fun; Vegas was fun; Christmas was fun; New Year’s was fun; doing lots of shopping in between celebrating all those holidays was super fun. But (sigh), now it’s time to go back to work…for a whole week. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I mean, as much as I like my new job, somehow sitting around in my midget-height cubicle all day just does not appeal to me now any more than it ever has. I can think of so many other things I could do this week if I didn’t have to go to work. For instance, I could commandeer my boyfriend’s kitchen to hand wash all of my lingerie. Or I could go to the gym for three hours at a time and become super hot. Or I could organize my closet or clean my bathroom or practice creating new looks with makeup in the mirror or jump in my car and not stop driving until I reach somewhere that’s 80 degrees or…

Well, perhaps I am getting carried away. Because the fact is that we all know exactly what I would be doing if I weren’t working this week, and that would be shopping. So, I guess it’s better to be stuck at work where I can’t spend all my money (except for the fact that online shopping is fun, too), and not free to roam indefinitely around the malls of America.

I guess.

This crazy trip has got me feelin’: blah
And I’m singin’ along to: Graceland – Paul Simon

Bad for Business

By employment, top notch communication blunders One Comment

Here’s something you never want to happen to you at work. You don’t ever want to receive a letter via Certified Mail that starts off like this:

"Dear [you]:
Although I have never met you nor heard of your name, I am in receipt of your e-mail of Friday, May 1 (received 3:34 pm) and your voice mail which you left me 15 minutes prior to sending your e-mail. Your e-mail and your voice mail are not acceptable to [company sending the letter]. We have paid [your company] hundreds of thousands of dollars over the last three years…"

See how this might be a problem? What you also don’t want are the following:

1. For this letter to go on reeming you out for your idiocy for two entire pages
2. To be called out multiple times in the letter for your incorrect spelling in the e-mail to which the letter is a response
3. To be accused of unethical business practices and told to "be prepared to refund the fees that [company sending the letter] has paid to [your company]"
3. To see "Cc: [the CEO of your company]" at the bottom of the second page

If you’re wondering if this letter was addressed to me, the answer is absolutely not. I actually have a background in something called customer service and would never have done anything to warrant such a letter.

Good luck with not letting this happen to you at work. Although, if you’re good at what you do, it shouldn’t be too hard.

Over and out.

A Window Into My Morning At Work

By conversations, employment No Comments

10 minutes ago…

Candice: “So when are you going to get pregnant?”
Lisa: “What?!?”
Candice: “When are you going to get pregnant so we can do this together?”
Lisa: “Oh my god, hormones are already taking over your brain! Get a grip! You’re living in a dream world!”
Candice: (Sighs.) “Fine.”

10 minutes before that… (on instant messenger)

Amy: “My jeans I ordered are getting here, like any minute. You have to come in the bathroom with me when I try them on because I feel fat and ugly today and you might have to keep me from committing suicide when they don’t fit by drinking up the bathroom soap and drowning myself in the toilet.”
Lisa: “Okay, just let me know when they get here.”

10 minutes before that… (on instant messenger)

Harmony: “What are you doing for lunch?”
Lisa: “Hanging myself from a flagpole outside.”
Harmony: “Good luck with that. Want to go running outside w/me and Tyra?”
Lisa: “Nah. I don’t want to go outside. It’s supposed to rain. I guess I’ll have to find a place to hang myself indoors.”
Harmony: “Check w/Amy on that. I’m sure she’ll have some good ideas.”

90 minutes before that…

Tom: “My, you’re here early!”
Lisa: “It’s 8:15.”
Tom: “That’s early for you!”
Lisa: “Not really. Yesterday I was here at 8. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t stay out partying like a delinquent all night so I’m unable to drag myself out of bed in the mornings. When I do get here at 9, it’s usually because I’m spending 20 minutes with my cats, or cleaning up after my train wreck of a roommate who really can’t keep a job because she does that, or checking my e-mails and MySpace at home. I’d appreciate it if you’d stop making it a national holiday every time I show up to work on time. It’s mildly insulting, and it kind of makes me look like an idiot.”

(Actually, I only wish I said everything after “Yesterday I was here at 8.” I seriously should have. Seriously.)

Captain Sea Jay Lewis

By captain sea jay lewis, conversations, employment No Comments

For those of you that don’t know, Captain Sea Jay Lewis is my betta fish. He lives in his bowl on my desk at work. He’s a pirate.

Amy is working on a proposal for some tourism development plan in India. She needs to finish it tomorrow and ship  it to the following address: 
First Floor
ML Bldg
Kalabhavan Road
Near the Town Hall
Kerala, India

Corinne is our boss.

Amy: “Does anyone know how I address ‘Fish Passage’?”

Corinne: “Ask Captain Sea Jay!”

Amy: “Mr. Captain Sea Jay, sir, what is the terrestrial ectocology of your fish bowl?”

Corinne: “People are going to think we’re drunk. Did you two take shots in the bathroom?”

Lisa: “What are you asking my fish?”

Amy: “Captain Sea Jay is the fish passage expert. He sent me an e-mail about terrestrial ecology for fish passge in his bowl. He wants us to do a feasibility study for a habitat restoration in his fish bowl.”