Better than a Box Full of Starving Crazed Weasels

One of the perks of living in Virginia Beach is that there is a Dunkin’ Donuts just around the corner from my apartment complex. So, whenever Allison and I get annoyed with boys, we just hop in the car and pull up to the DnD drive thru window to order up one of our favorite comfort foods.

I’ve always thought fondly of DnD. There were about seven of them within 10 miles of my house in New Jersey, so I think it was inevitable that I would become attached at some point. When the Classic Cup in Manasquan closed down, Jamie and I took to the Sea Girt location for our late-night, over-coffee conversations about life, and when the pre-Starbucks Coffee Coolatta was popular for five minutes several summers ago, Stacey and I thought the frozen indulgence was the perfect way to accessorize for any occasion. When I worked at Insano in Asbury Park, I’d always stop at the DnD on Cookman for a quick bagel (double-toasted with light cream cheese) if I was working a morning shift, and I must say, I’ve even used the occasional Apple ‘n Spice donut to say “I’m sorry” or “Good morning!” to a love interest. (Personally, I find the Apple ‘n Spice donut to be a perfect stand-in for the Hallmark greeting card.)

Over the years, the item I’ve fallen in the love with the most is definitely the Bosten Creme donut. I think I’ve become the Boston Creme donut’s biggest fan. The Boston Creme donut has been there to dry my tears, to make me feel satiated before bedtime and energized before work, and to accompany me during some of the most boring road trips of all time.

Of course, just like any friend, the Boston Creme donut is not always reliable. Most Dunkin’ Donuts run out of Boston Creme donuts by 10:30 p.m. I remember one time, in New Jersey, I was craving a Boston Creme donut so much that I called six Dunkin’ Donuts stores before I found one that still had some at one o’clock in the morning. I requested that they put it on hold for me and drove 10 minutes up Route 35 to retrieve it.

Similarly, the DnD by my apartment runs out of good donuts excessively. For example, they run out of Allison’s favorite – the Marble Frosted donut – all the time. Well, maybe not all the time. I do remember one drunken night we pulled up to the drive thru window with tear-streaked faces and a handful of change and thankfully, DnD had both a Marble Frosted and a Boston Creme donut for us that night. That was a lucky night.

Anyway, last night wasn’t quite the same as that night. Both of us were just a little frustrated with friends of ours – mostly her boyfriend and our roommate. We were sitting on the couch sulking in front of Pirates of the Caribbean and we just needed to get out of the apartment for a few minutes, so I suggested a Dunkin’ Donuts run. “We haven’t done that in awhile,” I said.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Allison said.

So we got on some sweatshirts and hopped in the Malibu to drive around the corner to the DnD drive thru. Whenever I pull up to the DnD drive thru window, I always feel like Weird Al in his song, “Albequerque.”

“Do you have any Marble Frosted donuts?” I ask.

“No, we’re out of Marble Frosted donuts.”

“Do you have any Boston Creme donuts?”

“Nah, we’re out of Boston Creme donuts.”

“Do you have any Bavarian Creme donuts?”

“Nah, we’re outta Bavarian Creme donuts.”

Usually the conversation proceeds until I ask for a Chocolate Frosted donut, which is usually in stock. Last night it was a little skewed.

“Do you have any Chocolate Frosted donuts?”

“Well, which kind? Chocolate Chocolate Frosted or just Chocolate Frosted. We have Chocolate Chocoloate, but if you just want Chocolate Frosted regular, I can go in the back and make them for you.”

“Make them for us?” I inquired.

“Yeah, we just gotta squeeze the chocolate frosting on ’em. It’s cool.”

“Are there any other Dunkin’ Donuts around here?” Allison asked.

“Um, I don’t know about that. I can just make them for you,” the genius in the window responded.

“Are you new?” I asked.

“I don’t know about that. I don’t know where there are other ones. I’m about to go to boot camp. I don’t give no shit about this frickin’ job. I don’t know about that,” he said.

“What kind of donuts do you have in there?” I asked.

He listed off a bunch of mumbled donut names that sounded vaguely familiar, but I was thoroughly confused. “Can we just come in and see what you’ve got?” I asked. Late at night, the front door is locked. Only the drive thru is open.

“Sure,” he said. “Come in. I don’t care about this damn job. I’ll unlock the door.”

So, I parked the car and we went inside to browse the donut selection. Unfortunately there was nothing exciting. “Do you have any Munchkins?” Allison asked desperately.

“Yeah. What ones you want?”

We ordered 25 chocolate and glazed Munchkins and got out our money to pay. “Don’t even worry about it,” the guy said. He sent us on our way with a box of free Munchkins.

“SCORE!” I said when we got to the car. “Free shit!”

“We got hooked UP!” Allison said. She opened the box. “There is way, way more than 25 Munchkins in this box.”

So, there you have it. Another restaurant fiasco that left Allison and I with some free donuts. (Yes, there have been others — a few at DnD and one at Smokey Bones that resulted in our group leaving the reastaurant with over a dozen free donuts.)

In all that excitement, were totally distracted from the fact that any boys had annoyed us in the first place. Mission accomplished. We plopped back down on the couch with the comforting feeling of a tummy full of donuts and a renewed appreciation for Johnny Depp and watched more of the movie until Allison’s boyfriend called. Of course they got in another argument, so I ended up going to bed, but at least there was like 25 Munchkins left in that box for breakfast this morning and for dinner later on tonight because I’m sure we’ll be annoyed again by then.

(And don’t worry, Boston Creme donut. Just because you weren’t around this time, doesn’t mean I’ve given up on you. Perhaps we’ll get together this weekend. It’ll be fun. Oh! And I promise I’ll never choose a Krispy Kreme over you.)