As the hostess, part of my job at Chef Ed’s is to answer the phone.  Due to the weather, there wasn’t very much call volume at the restaurant tonight, but I did get to talk to one genius.  It went something like this:

Lisa: “Hello, Chef Ed’s.”

Caller (middle-aged male with north Jersey accent): “Hi, um, yeah.  What kinda stuff do yous got on the menu there?” (Yes, ‘yous’ with an ‘s’ pronounced ‘ewes’ — like we’re all a bunch of female sheep down at Chef Ed’s.)

Lisa: “Um, we have a variety of entrees including fish, chicken, steak, and pasta.” (An awkward pause.) “Oh, and we also have several vegetarian dishes.”

Caller: “Oh, did you say Italian?  You have Italian there?”

Lisa: “No, I’m sorry. I said vegetarian dishes.”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Lisa: “What’s what?  Vegetarian?”

Caller:  “Yeah.”

Lisa:  “Um, entrees and appetizers prepared with mostly vegetables and no meat?  For vegetarians?  But…we also serve chicken, steak, and seafood.”

Caller: “Oh.”

Needless to say, I hung up in utter shock.  Is it possible that the Bennys get stupider as the years go by?  It wasn’t too long ago that I was explaining the difference between tuna salad and chicken salad and why Chef Ed’s doesn’t serve “steamas and beeya” (Benny-talk for steamers and beer), but this takes the cake.

So, here it is — for those of you who may be scaring waitresses, hostesses, and restaurant personnel around the world with your lack of food knowledge:

veg·e·tar·i·an (vj-târ–n) n. 1. One who practices vegetarianism.  2. A herbivore.  adj. 1. Of or relating to vegetarianism or vegetarians.  2. Consisting primarily or wholly of vegetables and vegetable products: a vegetarian diet.

veg·e·tar·i·an·ism (vj-târ–-nzm) n. The practice of subsisting on a diet composed primarily or wholly of vegetables, grains, fruits, nuts, and seeds, with or without eggs and dairy products.

I think the whole concept is pretty self-explanatory, but perhaps not.  If you woud like to show your disdain for such stupidity, visit BennyWear.com to pick up a few nifty items.  (Just don’t tell them I sent you — I’m depending on those big-haired, goofy-talkin’, unevenly tanned, bling-wearin’ geniuses for a steady income until at least Labor Day weekend!)