Allison is is Arizona, Robbie is in Maryland, and every sailor I know is out in the middle of the ocean right now — therefore I thought this weekend was going to be the worst weekend ever because I would have absolutely nothing to do. The way I saw it, from Thursday at 3:00 p.m., when I left work, until Sunday morning at 9:00 a.m., when I have to be at my other job, I was going to be completely and utterly bored.

I was being a completely miserable human being on Thursday. I had a cavity filled in the morning, so on top of my not looking forward to the weekend, the entire lower right side of my face was numb. I spent $10 on lunch and couldn’t even taste it and my throat was starting to hurt. I was in such a bad mood, I was beginning to give myself (and everyone around me) a migraine. So, I left work early and came home to watch every episode of NCIS since February 15 on my TiVo. Then I popped three Tylenol PM and went to sleep for a very long time.

On Friday morning, I opted to stop being miserable and headed to work for a few hours in a totally inappropriate outfit. I worked for a half hour, took an hour-long lunch break with Stacey, worked for another hour and then peaced out. I basically accomplished nothing — as usual. I headed straight to the mall and saw the new Herbie movie. Lindsay Lohan is my hero. I made a few sweet purchases at Victoria’s Secret and Banana Republic and called Scott, who invited me out to the Duck-In. (Apparently I did still have one friend in town.)

I showered, put on my new shirt and headed up to Shore Drive. It took me almost 45 minutes to find a parking spot, but I even ran into some other people I knew at the Duck-In, so that was cool. From there, we went to this little bar called the Cabo Cafe, which was pretty boring. I decided to leave. I figured since I was already dressed up and on Shore Drive, I would head over to Hot Tuna to see if I could find some new sailors to be friends with. No such luck. I made one lap around the place and left.

On the way home, I passed this stupid bar where someone told me they have karaoke on Friday nights. It was totally sketchy. I decided to go. It was more than totally sketchy. It was full of weirdos and rednecks. I signed up to sing “Addicted” by Simple Plan. Then I scribbled it out and wrote down another song, which I scribbled out five minutes later and switched back to Simple Plan. I faked having to make a phone call to run out to my car and rehearse it once, then I went in and got over my fear of singing in public. The karaoke guy even said I was pretty good, but he could have just been talking about my skirt. I guess I can check “Sing karaoke at a bar” off my list of New Year’s Resolutions.

I managed to do all of this before 1:00 a.m., so I stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home for a Chocolate Frosted to reward myself for being so awesome in the face of such a potentially boring weekend.

This morning, I got up at 9:20 a.m. and found myself strangely motivated to wash the Malibu. It must have been the Herbie movie. The Malibu hasn’t been washed since last June. It was totally disgusting. I bought some supplies at Target and drove over to the Freedom Wash. The Freedom Wash is very overwhelming. At night, it’s all lit up and could definitely be mistaken for a theme park by an unsuspecting tourist.

Anyway, I vacuumed the floors, I cleaned the seats with foaming upholstery cleaner, and I washed the car. A car wash attendant named Bob felt bad for me because I was spending so much money on time with the soapy brush, so he gave me some free minutes and helped me scrub the layers and layers of dirt off of my car. Then he gave me a free brush to clean my wheels with. Score. I tipped him five dollars. Then I cleaned the windows with glass wipes and even Windexed the insides of the doors and other hard-to-reach greasy spots on the car. Most people find, like, pens and money and stuff when they clean their cars. I found a year-and-a-half-old Dorito Rollito on the floor and a deserted wasps’ nest on one of my doors, so that was pretty gross.

I was really hot when I was done, so I got a huge smoothie laced with Vitamin C from Tropical Smoothie (my throat still hurts) and rented four movies from Hollywood Video.

So, that’s it. Now I’m watching movies and I just made myself some sloppy joes on hot dog buns for dinner, and I’m thinking that a Saturday alone wasn’t so bad after all. Even rock stars need a break every once in awhile.