It’s funny, despite my waning attempts to succeed at Weight Watchers (I never write down my food, I don’t go to meetings because $12.00 will buy me a CD or three Starbucks lattes, I eat a lot of cheese), I still seem to be losing weight. After much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that my post-Las Vegas downsizing has been a result of the following:
1. There is no f-ing food in our house! No one goes food shopping but my dad, and he’s still on Atkins. Therefore, other than an occasional leftover chicken thigh or clump of cooked green vegetables in the refrigerator, we have a serious lack of foods to munch on here at my house — especially Oreo cookies — we had a bottomless jar of Oreo cookies in Vegas. So, I can get up off the couch and mumble, “I’m hungry,” and open the pantry, then the fridge, then the pantry again, but I’ll just end up with a glass of water because that’s really all there is.
2. The air conditioning isn’t functioning properly in the Malibu, so even if I do get hungry enough to leave the house in search of food, I change my mind when I remember that driving the car involves sitting in 90-degree heat.
3. Plus, food costs money, and now that I am a size four, I’d rather spend my money on clothes than food.
4. I’m so over the whole restaurant thing that even though I work in one, I rarely feel the need or the desire to consume any of the food there. I just serve the greasy french fries and the fatty ranch dressing and the calorie-ridden mixed drinks to the clueless customers and feel a little bad sometimes that they have no idea that their dinner will be the reason that they’ll weigh two or three pounds more in the morning.
5. If I do feel a little hungry, I simply glance over to the greasy pan from yesterday’s chicken fingers or the congealed bit of blue cheese dressing from Tuesday’s wings and pizza and think, “I’m sure glad that’s not the latest addition to my formerly fat arm.”
(NOTE: I have also been doing sit-ups and push-ups and running two or three miles a day — I suppose that could be a reason, too.)
