Very Important Drunken IM Conversation

This is what I woke up to find on my computer this morning.

(Please note: some changes/edits have been made to this conversation for the following reasons: to make me sound like less of an idiot, it was kind of long, to keep it humorous enough to read.)

subtends (9:26:11 PM): Oh no.:-P
Auto response from VTJerseyGirl03 (9:26:11 PM): Bar A (my rock star life is happy to have me back for a few days):-D

VTJerseyGirl03 (2:22:48 AM): oh no?
subtends (2:23:09 AM): lol — Hi! Happy Turkey Day!!
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:23:25 AM): h
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:23:25 AM): i
subtends (2:24:07 AM): How is everything back at the old homefront?
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:24:33 AM): drunk.
subtends (2:24:46 AM): Bar A?
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:25:13 AM): positive.
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:25:17 AM): i mean, affirmative.
subtends (2:25:42 AM): Oh man, you’re even getting your nautical terms mixed up. lol
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:26:14 AM): well, i can still recite the military alphabet up to N.
subtends (2:26:23 AM): Guess what: I just had a marathon, 6-hour phone conversation with . . . (drumroll, please) . . . ***** *****!
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:26:34 AM): six hours?
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:26:36 AM): for what?
subtends (2:26:37 AM): But can you do it backwards?
subtends (2:26:49 AM): I don’t know! It just lasted that long.
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:27:28 AM): how can you november, mike, lima, kilo, j— (oops), india, hotel, golf, foxtrot, echo, delta, charlie, bravo, alpha talk on the phone for six hours?

(Edit)

subtends (2:30:30 AM): (Isn’t it 2:30 in the morning there? Why aren’t you in the rack!?)
subtends (2:30:56 AM): Did Mary Jane go to Bar A with you?
subtends (2:31:08 AM): Can you think of any other questions I can bombard you with in your drunken state?
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:32:06 AM): i am in the rack. i just got out of the drunken shower.

(Edit)

subtends (2:32:44 AM): That sounded like Pig Latin.
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:33:02 AM): where?
subtends (2:34:29 AM): You know, Pig Latin, the crazy language where you systematically transpose the initial consonant to the end of the word to make it sound really silly?
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:35:28 AM): right, i know what f***ing pig latin is.

(Edit)

subtends (2:43:26 AM): Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta . . .
VTJerseyGirl03 (2:45:57 AM): echo, foxtrot, golf, hotel, india JULIET, kilo, lima, mike (f***ing bastard ass), november o p q r s t u v w x y zulu.
subtends (2:46:06 AM): LOL
subtends (2:46:28 AM): Oscar, Papa, Queen, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform, Whiskey, X-Ray, Yankee . . .

(I stop responding. Rich types military acronyms for 16 minutes.)

subtends (3:02:56 AM): Hmmm . . . (I’m just an admin weenie, so I have to think a little here) . . .
subtends (3:03:36 AM): Whoa. Don’t even get me started on marksmanship ditties . . .
subtends (3:04:04 AM): Sling-shot, brass check, tap the forward assist! Sweep the sights, check the sights, weapon on safe! Ejection-port cover closed, Sir!
subtends (3:05:09 AM): Rob Nieratko told me this one in high school: MARINES – “My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment”! OohRah! lol
subtends (3:06:06 AM): Well, minus the “s.”
subtends (3:06:21 AM): ARE YOU STILL THERE???
subtends (3:06:25 AM): HAVE YOU FALLEN ASLEEP???
subtends (3:06:30 AM): Psst.
subtends (3:06:35 AM): Psssssssst!
subtends (3:06:38 AM): Hey.
subtends (3:06:40 AM): Wake up.
subtends (3:06:42 AM): WAKE UP.
subtends (3:07:04 AM): Gobble, gobble.
subtends (3:08:06 AM): Four score and seven years ago . . .

(Rich continues reciting the Gettysburg Address.)

subtends (3:13:14 AM): This was the fortieth line that I typed without getting a response. That probably means that you’re passed out. Or throwing up.
subtends (3:14:09 AM): I guess I should say good night now.
subtends (3:15:40 AM): Have a great day today, and enjoy your turkey!! I might try to give you a call sometime over the weekend! I’m off until Monday!
subtends (3:16:04 AM): Good night, Lisa!!!

(An hour goes by.)

VTJerseyGirl03 (4:15:59 AM): oops. fell asleep.
VTJerseyGirl03 (4:16:06 AM): happy thanksgiving.
VTJerseyGirl03 (4:16:13 AM): will read all this tomorrow.

Wow. There is only one thing I have to say about this.
MARINES (with the “S”): My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment, Sir!

Lisa DeNoia, author of Coastlined, blogging on and off since 2003. Jersey Girl in Virginia Beach. Entrepreneur, technology innovator, photographer, figure skater, traveler, sailor, avid lover of books. Guardian of Benny, also pictured above.