I started off my new-and-improved job search with a grande non-fat sugar-free vanilla latte with one shot of espresso from Starbucks and a copy of today’s Las Vegas Review-Journal. Although I had no success finding my dream job, the R-J’s classified section was definitely good for a few laughs.

Here are my three favorite ads:

_______________________
MECHANIC NEEDED
FOR PAINTING. Will
Train. ASK FOR JEFF
(702) XXX-XXXX.
_______________________

This person can’t hire a painter to paint? He needs a mechanic to do it?
_______________________
BABYSITTER
Granny wanted (over 35).
Part time. CPR, hlth
card,veicle,expernse,
referensesn&background
check. requiered.
702-XXX-XXXX.
_______________________

Does the over-35, part-time Granny need to know how to spell?
_______________________
SALESPERSON NEEDED
Immediately. Hiring ener-
getic,outgoing, depend-
able, people to sell live
designer hermit crabs at
busy cart in local mall
$6 – $7.50/hr. dep. on
exp. commission. Hermit
Hut 503-XXX-XXXX.
_______________________

Live designer hermit crabs? What in the hell makes a hermit crab a designer hermit crab? I am tempted to call the Hermit Hut and ask if they carry Louis Vuitton hermit crabs, or Stuart Weitzman ones perhaps. And aren’t hermit crabs normally a beach souvenir? Shouldn’t they be selling designer lizards or scorpions here in Vegas?

Thanks to Jacky, I was able to stop scanning these ridiculous ads. She got me an interview at the event planning company she works at. I hope it goes well because obviously the classified ads around here are good for entertainment purposes only.