I know people dislike it when I compare their kids to my cats. I know they do. I just can’t help it. There are some very striking similarities between young children and my cats, and I don’t mean these comparisons as an insult – they are simply my way to partake in a conversation that’s way over my head (since I don’t have any kids). You see?
Don’t get me wrong – I understand that there is much more than to raising kids than to maintaining a couple of furry kitties, but tell me these couple of things don’t hold any water at all.
1. You have to feed your kids, and it’s expensive. Well, I have to feed my cats, and they eat this all-natural, high-protein, grain-free food that’s freaking expensive.
2. You have to change your kids’ diapers, and I’m assuming that can be a little stinky. I have to clean my cats’ poops out of their litter box, and my cats are crap factories. A little stinky? Try extremely stinky!
3. Your kids sometimes whine about stuff and beg for snacks. Mele definitely whines and begs for snacks, too – just not with words.
4. Your kids try to get in your bed, and they get all nestled up in between you and your husband/wife, which can make shifting positions in your sleep very awkward. My cats jump in my bed and get all nestled up in and around my legs, creating an immobility issue (unless I want to kick them in their heads, which I really don’t).
5. You need a babysitter for your kids if you leave the house without them. Well, I don’t need a sitter for a few hours, but if I leave town for a week, I have to find some poor unsuspecting soul to come over and scoop poop at least once.
6. Your kids have unique personalities, and they make you laugh. My cats have unique personalities, and they make me laugh.
7. You try to discipline your kids, and they don’t always listen. I try to discipline my cats and they never listen!
8. Your kids sometimes eat things that aren’t edible, and you also have to clean up after your kids when they make a mess. My cats eat insects and leave their dismembered legs on the living room carpet. Who do you think is cleaning that?
So, there you have it. In my world, my cats are just a little bit like your kids.