When I lived in Vegas, I always used to gamble with my lunch money. Gambling with my lunch money seemed like a pretty safe bet most of the time – if I won, I could buy my lunch and have leftover money, and if I lost, I would just let my stomach growl until dinner. I usually spent about five dollars on lunch, so that’s all I ever spent on gambling. Besides, the only times I ever won any money in those damn Wheel of Fortune slot machines were when I was gambling with lunch money. Over time, I’ve realized that gambling with lunch money is the best kind of gambling there is.
The people in my office are pooling their money to buy some lottery tickets, and my stomach hurt today, so I didn’t spend any money on lunch. I decided it was a sign. I deserve to win a couple of million dollars. I hate working, and I never want to do it again, so when I got an e-mail about the lottery pool, I marched downstairs and delivered my five dollars to the guy collecting the money. He wrote my name on the envelope and I came back upstairs with a big doofy grin on my face. Stacey the un-receptionist laughed at me.
“I can’t believe I’m going to win the lottery!” I said.
She laughed at me some more.
But, seriously. Winning the lottery is going to be the best thing ever. I’ll get to quit my job and go on excessive amounts of vacations and buy all kinds of new clothes and some houses and maybe even my own private island! I’m so excited!